Huh!

A strange and funny sight today...

















PARKING ENFORCEMENT has finally figured out that Beavis uses public streets as his own personal storage facility for his non-running vehicles!

















I happened to glance across the street as I was emptying trash this afternoon and saw a parking enforcement officer, a worried-looking Ma Barker, and an annoyed-looking Little Sister out in front of the Beavisphere, by the non-running cars parked in front of their house. They all were talking in hushed tones, so I couldn't hear a damned thing any of them said.


















All I know is that the parking enforcement lady was typing in license plate info and such into her little computer and marked ALL FOUR of the tires on Beavis' worktruck(that has a flat, btw). Little Sister's car wasn't marked, even though it hasn't moved any more than the damned pickup. Little Sister is busy taking out all the crap that was stored in it, however, and moving the stuff into her latest car.


















Speaking of, Little Sister apparently traded in her BMW and got some little pseudo-station wagon thingy made by KIA. It's cute. And tiny. Very appropos for a New Mommy.

















Next thing I know, a tow truck has pulled up to Little Sister's old car!


















After the PEL and the tow truck driver talked at great length, Little Sister's old car was towed away. WOW!!!!! I have no idea what prompted all this, but here's hoping that damned worktruck follows suit SOON!!















Oh, and Beavis was nowhere to be seen while all this transpired. Hmmmmmmmmm.


I don't know who called Parking Enforcement, but I just want to say to them: I LOVE YOU!!!!!

Breather...

All's been quiet since Beavis got arrested.

He's out on bail, but has rarely been seen...in fact, he's only been spotted very briefly twice since his drunken @$$ got taken to jail.

It's taken me awhile, but here are some pix of what Beavis was throwing around the night he got arrested:

















The top thing is the plastic casing for a "digital tire gauge". I found the casing on our front step. Literally. As in, open the front door, look down, and there it was. Just the casing.

The bottom two metal thingys are...uh, I'm not really sure. They look like some type of bracket. Beavis was not throwing rocks at passing cars as I'd assumed night of the incident. No wonder the cops were called!

Here's a closeup of the metal thingys:

















And here's a sense of scale as I hold one of the metal thingys:

















I found both the plastic casing and the metal thingys the morning after Beavis' arrest. The metal thingys were in the street, near our cars. I'm frankly amazed that our cars haven't been more overtly damaged by Beavis lately.

There was the one time a few years ago when he was drunk-driving and he backed out of the Beavisphere driveway into my Grand Am. He smashed the turn signal light, which set off the burglar alarm, and sped off. When the Dear Husband and I came running out, Little Sister actually narked on Beavis! I made a report to Big Daddy the next day, and Ma Barker sweetly handed me a $100 bill a couple of days later, thanking me for not calling the cops on the jerkface. Shame on me.

Anyway, I haven't heard anything about the neighbor who had their car damaged by Beavis, what charges Beavis is up on, or whether his candy @$$ will go back to jail anytime soon.

Dammit.

Summer Season

Big Daddy must've been putting something in the water at the ol' Beavisphere, because activity had been nonexistent for the month of July. The most noise I'd heard lately is the yard work and house clean up that the neighbor two doors down is doing.

I'd see Big Daddy around, and sometimes Ma Barker would sit on the porch with little Ellie Mae perched on her lap, but other than that, no fights, no threats, no wondering if I need to call the police, as Beavis and 40 Miles of Bad Road haven't been seen at all.

Today was a rare spotting of Beavis and still-knocked-up 40MBR in their natural habitat, the driveway:

















Kinda bizarre to not see them arguing and chasing each other around the neighborhood.



















A surprisingly domesticated Beavis following 40MBR as he pushes Ellie Mae's stroller down the street:

















This domestic scene was short-lived, however...

When the Dear Husband got home from work this evening, 40MBR was sitting forlornly by the fire hydrant next to our driveway. She was there for a while, then disappeared while we were busy doing useful stuff inside the house.

Then around 10:20pm tonight, the Summer Hiatus of Redneck Theater abruptly came to an end.

I hear yelling.

Oh Joy!!

Beavis is yelling at 40MBR in their driveway:

Where's my mom?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

40MBR is yelling back:

Where's your daughter?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!

They keep yelling this at each other over and over and over and over and over and over and over again until 40MBR picks up a beach cruiser in the yard and pedals off down the street.

Big Daddy then enters from stage left, bellowing from within the house:

YOUR MOM ISN'T HOME!

Which sets Beavis spewing forth:

SHUT UP! YOU WANNA FIGHT? YOU WANNA FIGHT?! C'MON!! C'MON!! I'LL TAKE YOU ON! C'MON! LET'S GO!!!!!!!!!!!!

repeatedly.

Big Daddy calls Beavis a caulksucker and taunts him with:

YOU NEED YOUR MOMMY TO HOLD YOUR HAND?!?!?!?!?!??!!?

again, repeatedly.

Holy HELL, that's freakin' HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They continue back and forth for a few minutes until Big Daddy abruptly shuts off the porch light and retreats back into the house.

Beavis stumbles to the edge of the lawn and sits down. He appears drunk. Greeeeeeat.

40MBR comes back.

Beavis still wants his mommy.

He keeps saying, 'Where's Ellie Mae? Where's my mom?!?!?!?!?"

Apparently they're at Little Sister's place.


GET HER ON THE PHONE!!!! He bellows.

For whatever reason, she can't be reached on the phone.

So Beavis wanders around, muttering.

A light-colored car comes down the street. He thinks it's Little Sister's car and he throws a rock at it!

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The car turns and comes back, and three guys step out. They sound Latino as they ask, WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!

Of course Beavis escalates the situation while 40MBR apologizes profusely.

Oh, and she mentions that Beavis is her husband.

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The dudes in the car aren't amused by Beavis' drunken antics, and so they call him a girl and threaten to beat him up. He threatens to beat them up. They then say, this is where you live? WE'LL BE BACK.

That's when we called the cops.

The guys leave.

Beavis is still being an @$hole.

Another car comes by, and Beavis throws another rock.

The car swerves and keeps going.

DAMMIT, WHERE ARE THE COPS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!!

Finally, Little Sister drives by but doesn't pull into the Beavisphere driveway...she stops down the street, out of our line of sight.

However, it's not out of our earshot.

Beavis is yelling and whistling for the guys in the first car to come back. He then turns his attention to Little Sister.

He starts screaming at her in the middle of the street, STILL calling for his mom.

He makes James Cagney in White Heat look like a he-man of epic proportions.

Little Sister's friend pulls Little Sister's car into the Beavisphere driveway while Little Sister and 40MBR try to calm Beavis down. No luck.

FINALLY,

the cops show up.

Apparently the second guy that Beavis hit with the rock also called the cops.

THANK GOODNESS.

Beavis got arrested.

HOORAY.

Little Sister and 40MBR walk back to the Beavisphere. They chat for a few minutes(couldn't hear what they were saying because of a helicopter that kept circling the SM airport), then Little Sister goes to talk to Big Daddy.

That's when I find out that Beavis already had an outstanding arrest warrant. WOOHOO!!!!!!!

Big Daddy grouses about how the last time Beavis got arrested, Big Daddy had to spend $3,000 getting him out of jail without so much as a thank you. Little Sister reminded him that Ma Barker spent $20,000 on a lawyer and didn't get a thank you for that.

What a Good Boy!

Big Daddy continues to kvetch about Beavis' behavior tonight...I missed the part where Beavis was drunkenly threatening the cab driver that brought him to the Beavisphere, and so Big Daddy had to come out and pay off the cab driver before sh!t went down. That's apparently when Beavis started threatening Big Daddy. Big Daddy told Little Sister that if Beavis hadn't been drunk, he would've kicked Beavis' @$.

WOW.

Another helicopter flies around so I miss more conversation. All this time 40MBR is standing out in the street, leaned up against the non-running worktruck. When the copter leaves, I hear Big Daddy say something along the lines of, Her mom don't want her, her dad don't want her...how bad it must be when your own parents don't want you? Are they talking about 40MBR? I don't know.

40MBR is picked up and has left. Big Daddy and Little Sister are still talking out front.

What a weird, wild night it's been!

Chaos and Explosions

The Dear Husband got to socialize more with our neighbors yesterday.

He was sitting at home when he heard a loud screech with an even louder crash immediately following. It sounded like it happened right in front of the house, so he went rushing outside.

As did a bunch of the neighbors on our block.

Everyone thought Beavis had done it.

But amazingly enough, he didn't do a repeat of the time when he got drunk and rammed his white pickup through someone's garage door around the block about five, six years ago.

Anyway, the neighbors thought it'd be a GREAT idea to see what would cause such a loud noise, and so they went off to investigate:

















The noise was damn loud, judging by the growing crowd:


















And this was the cause:















It doesn't look so bad from the above angle, but a hit-and-run driver was zooming down the street at stoopidly high speeds trying to escape from the scene of his last hit-and-run incident. The people he hit were following him. He came across a large truck coming towards him, and he tried to slam on the brakes since the street was too narrow for him to just zoom by.

He didn't make it.

His car jumped the curb and hit the wall you see above, narrowly missing a tree in the process.

















The front of the car got munched:
















The dude was unconscious due to the impact. He was also stuck in the car.

It took awhile for the firemen and cops to show up...strange on the firemen, since there's a fire station about only a mile and a half away from our neighborhood.

They had to use the Jaws of Life to get the dude out of the car, and apparently his legs were smashed up very badly. Last we heard, there were doubts that he'd even live through it.
















I was out on a beach skate, and by the time I got back, the dude was on his way to the hospital, the cleaning crews were working on towing the broken car out, and all the neighbors were talking about the incident.

Of course the topic of Beavis came up, because of everyone thinking that he'd do something like this.

Then this-here blog came up in the course of discussion. Apparently more and more of the neighbors are finding this little record of Beavisosity.

Please, feel free to comment and add what you see and hear that jackass doing. You don't even have to give your real name or have a blogger account, you can just make up your own rad code name. Or I'll give you one, but I can't guarantee it won't be better than what I give the participants in the Beavisphere.

For instance, one of the neighbors told me that he has actually seen Beavis hit 40 Miles of Bad Road while they were fighting in the middle of the night in front of said neighbor's house. Yikes.

Another neighbor had some anecdotes about the brilliant parenting Beavis received as a child, which includes having neglectful and alcoholic parents letting him wander around the street when he was a toddler. Gosh, what a surprise!

Basically, he's repeating what his parents did to him.

Greeeeeeaaaaat.

And in the eye of the storm:

Beavis is back from wherever he and 40 Miles of Bad Road went to.

Damn.

So now we get to see more of this:
















Is he dealing or just talking? I didn't see any material exchange between Beavis and whomever is in the car, so I don't know.
















Taking photos at night sucks.

This is supposed to be Beavis talking to...uh...someone in a truck that's parked in front of the neighbor's house.
















Beavis and 40MBR were wandering back and forth between that truck and Big Daddy's house with a stroller and occasionally carrying other weird items back and forth. He would yell at her, she would stomp around angrily and then go inside Big Daddy's house, leaving Beavis to lurk and whatnot.

Some time I hope to get an updated photo of the worktruck from hell. It's not going to be parked anywhere else than where it is for the time being, as its front right tire is completely flat and it's piled high with all kinds of weird stuff both in the bed and cab of the truck. So is Little Sister's car, for that matter.

This could be a long, hot summer.

Grist for the Mill

Big Daddy's been back in town the past couple of weeks, so the Beavisphere has been calm.

Every once in awhile Little Sister stops by, sometimes with the Nub, sometimes not. I haven't seen 40 Miles of Bad Road at all, and Ellie Mae's appearances have been few.

Yesterday the Dear Husband and I had our yearly catch-up talk with the neighbors(we're horrible neighbors...we never socialize), and we found out some things that we had guessed at before:

*Big Daddy can't get rid of Beavis unless he wants to get divorced. Apparently he doesn't want to get divorced, so Beavis stays.

*Beavis' drug customers park on the next street over and go through the backyard to Beavis' house for their purchases.

*Beavis' charming thugged out friends have made outright threats to Big Daddy.

Wow.

Ma Barker is messed up to allow that to go on, but there's nothing we can do about it.

And we found out why Beavis isn't around the neighborhood the week of July 4.

Every year there's some kind of block party in one form or another that happens in our neighborhood. Everyone would meet up in a designated driveway and potluck away the afternoon and then set off fireworks at night. This has been happening for decades.

When Beavis was a kid, he'd go break into the neighbor's houses during the block party.

We figure that the only reason he isn't still doing that is because the repercussions would be more severe for his slacker @$$.

Creepy, ain't it?


Below is an average verbal exchange between Beavis and Ma Barker. I had heard him yelling at her, and thought it was another fight. It wasn't. They were having a "discussion" about Little Sister.

















Again, as we suspected, Little Sister is single. It is of Beavis' opinion that she's miserable because she doesn't "have a man", as he says. It is also of his opinion that Little Sister is making Ma Barker miserable because she's miserable.

Of course.

















I just hope that Big Daddy doesn't die anytime soon. To be stuck with this sleazeball forever scares me.

"But Henry, it's Father's Day..."

Today we had the Dear Husband's immediate family over for a BBQ. It was delightful and delicious.

In the course of the family discussion, good ol' Beavis and his activities came up, so we gave a basic rundown of his general behaviors. We tell them about this-here blog so that they can get a more thorough backstory.
















ANYWAY, as the DH walks his parents out to their car later in the evening, DH's mom says VERY loudly in her wonderful Bronx accent,

IS THAT THE TRUCK THAT IS ALWAYS PARKED IN FRONT OF YOUR HOUSE?


Ah, nice!

She's a wonderful woman, but not known for her subtlety!

The beauty of her announcement?

Beavis is out front in his driveway, playing with what appears to be his latest vehicle:
















GENIUS TIMING!


So Beavis decided to put on a show for us.

40 Miles of Bad Road was strolling back to the Beavisphere in her mile-high espadrilles and little short dress, and Beavis immediately started yelling at her. She yells back. He grabs her purse and tosses it onto the roof.

The roof!
















They stomp around their driveway, yelling, cussing, and waving their arms. Ellie Mae wanders around in between them, oblivious.

We watch this latest piece of theater quietly.

Then we go inside with no reaction.


So now we're back on Beavis' radar, and it looks like he's back on wheels.

Dammit.

Happy Father's Day, indeed!

Now It's Getting Scary

Since my last entry, Big Daddy came back into town, so events had calmed down considerably. 40 Miles of Bad Road was rarely seen, while Beavis would be spotted strolling up and down the street with little Ellie Mae. Little Sister and the Nub came by periodically to give Ma Barker rides to who knows where. Things were quiet enough to the point where I was actually moving at a pretty good clip on my freelance.

Tranquility was broken this afternoon, in a scary way.

I hear 40MBR screaming from my perch in the living room, where I was doing derby work on the big computer.

I look outside and see 40MBR screaming and crying in the street:
















She was screaming some VERY unsettling things. Mentioned getting a black eye by Beavis. That he hit her. That he was a "real man" because he hit her. That she needed to get the hell out of there. She also called him a "b!tch" a few hundred times. He bellowed back at her, but I couldn't decipher what he was saying. He followed her around and took swipes at her, but I couldn't tell if they were serious swipes or if he was just messing with her in her hysteria.

Notice that Ellie Mae was present and accounted for. Jeezus:















Beavis goes back in the house. 40MBR follows. The front door is left open, and I can hear more screaming from 40MBR. I hear things being thrown around.

Then my camera battery dies.

Dammit.

I grab the Dear Husband's camera. Its battery decides to die, too.

DAMMIT.

While I'm trying to figure out how to solve the camera problem(I don't, btw), 40MBR comes back out onto the porch...without her shorts on. She had grabbed a pair of blue jeans and was putting them on outside, still screaming and crying at Beavis, who was inside the Beavisphere abode.















I hear taptaptap from Beavis from inside the house. 40MBR turns to the window where he's apparently standing inside, waves her arms and screams,

JUST DO IT! BE A REAL MAN! SHOOT ME! YOU HAVE A GUN? JUST F***ING SHOOT ME!!!!! C'MON!!!!!! DO IT!!!!!!

Holy.

Freakin'.

SH!T.


















She starts wandering around, crying. Beavis comes back outside carrying Ellie Mae and chases 40MBR down. He yells at her. She yells back. She goes back to the house, gets her purse, and stomps off down the street. Beavis is detained by an elderly neighbor who's obviously wondering if the cops need to be called. Beavis acts like a sane adult with the neighbor, still holding Ellie Mae.

For now things are back to being quiet.

This is some disturbing sh!t if he really did pull a gun on her, for a variety of reasons.

Yet Moar Domestic Bliss...

I'm becoming addicted to staring out the window. Freelance? PHOOEY!

Beavis came busting out of Big Daddy's house this afternoon, yelling. Unfortunately I couldn't decipher what he was saying, as I had my radio turned up too loud. Dammit.

He meanders in and out of the house, continuing to bellow. Little Ellie Mae(the child formerly known as Unfortunate DNA Recipient #3) wanders aimlessly about, trying to keep up with Beavis. Poor little thing.

Eventually 40 Miles of Bad Road stomps out of the house, purse in hand, cigarette in mouth. Yeah, why stop smoking just because she's pregnant? That's just silly! Beavis follows.

40MBR stomps into the middle of the street, Beavis continues to follow...they're both snapping at each other. He takes his hoodie and smacks her with it. She waves him off and backtracks to the sidewalk to start waddling down the street. Beavis yanks her purse off her shoulder but she keeps going. He follows behind her for a ways, then turns around and goes back to Beavisphere Central.

He stomps inside, then reappears a few minutes later. He hops on a beach cruiser and starts pedaling in the direction that 40MBR was going. After a few more minutes, little Ellie Mae toddles out of the house, looking for her parents. Cute little booger. Eventually Ma Barker brings the child back into the house.

Beavis bicycles back home. 40MBR waddles back around 15 minutes later.

Ah, what harmony!

UPDATE:

A few hours later...

40MBR bursts out of the house, Beavis following. Both are screaming at each other.

40MBR grabs a bicycle and takes off. Beavis follows on the second bicycle. She swoops up and down the street, Beavis following all the while. They both go out of my sight line. A few minutes later, Beavis bicycles back.

Silence.

I try to go back to work.

Until I hear more yelling about five minutes later.

No freakin' way!

I look out the window and see 40MBR waddling back to the Beavisphere, with Beavis following. Both are on foot. She's screaming over and over, "Hit on a man, you big b!tch! HIT ON A MAN! I'M PREGNANT!" He bellows something about her smoking while pregnant.

They face off in the driveway, continuing their spat. He repeatedly taunts her by threatening to hit her.

Ellie Mae toddles out of the house. 40MBR picks her up and uses her as a shield. Seriously. Beavis almost hits the both of them. 40MBR puts Ellie Mae down, screams at Beavis, "GIVE ME MY SWEATSHIRT SO THAT I CAN GET OUT OF HERE!!!" Of course Beavis just waves the hoodie in 40MBR's face, so she just turns and stomps down the street screaming, "I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!"

Beavis goes back into the house for a few minutes, then stomps back out, hops on a bicycle, and gives chase.

Ellie Mae wanders out again. She's left alone in the driveway for several minutes before Ma Barker fetches her.

Goddam.

Beavis Goes Green

The humongo black SUV is gone from the neighborhood.

Apparently Fat Pig and Homie took it back.

However, they must've given Beavis a helluva cheep price for the thing, as he hasn't been able to replace it with another vehicle that borders on working.

So he and 40 Miles of Bad Road are bicycling about.

I saw the both of them each on beach cruisers over the weekend. It's tres cute.

But apparently that's not enough.

The Dear Husband and I witnessed an altercation tonight where Beavis and 40 Miles of Bad Road were having a tug-of-war over her taking a bicycle.

We hear the shouting, and since I was in the art room with the computer on, I had to relocate since the computer fan was too damn loud to hear all the conversation.

40 Miles of Bad Road wants to ride the bike to visit her dad. Beavis won't let her take the bike. She begs, pleads, and cries to no avail. He makes some kind of threat, because she then screams something along the lines of, "Go ahead and kick me in the stomach! I'm just trying to do good for my daughter!" Remember, she's also knocked up with Unfortunate DNA Recipient #4.

So now we know that we can officially call Unfortunate DNA Recipient #3 "Ellie Mae", a la Beverly Hillbillies.

Beavis mutters incoherently and yanks the bicycle away from her. 40 Miles of Bad Road then wails that she can't walk to Westchester to see her dad. Well, apparently Beavis thinks she can, because he has the bicycle and he ain't driving her in either the brown worktruck or in Little Sister's old VW, both of which are still parked in front of Big Daddy's house.

40 Miles of Bad Road stomps off, apparently on her way to Westchester. I swear I was tempted to go offer a ride to her, but that would have to be one of the biggest mistakes possible for me to commit.

Ma Barker comes out and tells Beavis to "stop making a scene". Beavis barks back that "SHE STARTED IT!" She mutters some more(neither the Dear Husband or I could figure out what was being said), he replies with, "I'm not going anywhere!" as he paces between the front porch to the worktruck and back.

Things seemed to have settled down for the moment as 40 Miles of Bad Road is still gone and Beavis went back into the house. We'll see if it stays quiet.

Edit: 40MBR came quietly back to the house in a cab about an hour and a half later. No stirring in the Beavisphere since then.

I STILL need a 24/7 Camera!

Yesterday I was sitting and trying to do derby-related crap on the computer when I hear a string of expletives let loose from outside.

Beavis is back.

I look out the window to see him pacing angrily in between his front yard into the middle of the street and back again, cellphone glued to his ear. He's still yelling. To say he's infuriated is putting it mildly:

WHERE THE F&%& ARE YOU? LA TIJERA?!??!?! (silence) WHAT?!?! LA CIENEGA?!?!?!?(silence) GET YOUR @$$ BACK HERE!!!!!! (mumbling) I'M GONNA BREAK YOUR F&^%*ING JAW WHEN YOU GET BACK HERE!!!! I WANT MY S*&*# BACK NOW!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU!??!?!?! (silence)LA TIJERA?!?!?!?!? YOU JUST TOLD ME LA CIENEGA A SECOND AGO, SO WHICH IS IT?!?!?!??! GET THE F*%$# BACK HERE NOW!!!

This continues for several minutes.

I don't know who he's yelling at. The latest SUV monstrosity isn't leaking oil in front of his house, and 40 Miles of Bad Road hasn't been seen since the weekend. Is she out and about in it, setting him off? I don't know. Oh, and she might be knocked up again. Save us, Jeebus!

He still paces angrily. DNA Recipient #3 toddles out of the house, following Beavis. Luckily DNA Recipient #3 has clothing covering both the top and bottom halves of its unfortunate little body. Beavis pays little mind as he finally takes the phone away from his ear, stares at this marvel of technology, and starts making outgoing calls. He occasionally throws his hands up in frustrated fury as the calls don't get through. He even hops angrily in the driveway.

As he isn't able to scream into the phone some more, he just keeps pacing, with DNA Recipient #3 continuing to follow him around. Eventually Beavis retires into the house in a dull rage, offspring in tow. End of story.

Later in the afternoon Beavis is out front again, talking to Big Daddy. The SUV and 40 Miles of Bad Road are still unaccounted for.

As of this morning the SUV is back, and all is quiet on the Beavisphere front.

It just keeps getting weirder and weirder...







UPDATE!!!!!!!!

We had THEE classic Redneck Theater tonight!

After I got back from a relaxing jog this evening, I hear Beavis yelling again. Just to bring everyone up to date...

Our Cast of Characters includes:

Beavis
40 Miles of Bad Road
Ma Barker
Little Sister
Unfortunate DNA Recipient #3
Homie
Fat Pig

and introducing: Little Sister's offspring, the Nub.

Back to our story...

I look outside and see Ma Barker, Little Sister holding the new Nub (she must've spat it out yesterday or Sunday) , and 40 Miles of Bad Road nervously pacing in the driveway. Beavis is screaming at Homie and Fat Pig, who are parked in their sporty Lexus down the street, in front of the behemoth SUV that's been leaking more oil than Iraq outputs in a week.

Here's a wide shot of the Beavisphere. You can see 40 Miles of Bad Road carrying crap that was taken out of the SUV and dumped in the front yard:
















Beavis is bellowing at Homie and Fat Pig...mostly Fat Pig. Much the same as yesterday:

GIVE ME BACK MY SH!T!! YOU FAT PIG! GO POP A PILL!!! GIMME MY MONEY, B!TCH! TRY AND LEAVE IN THAT F*&^&ING CAR! IT AIN'T GOIN' NOWHERE! THAT THING EATS UP TOO MUCH DAMN GAS! I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS! GIMME MY SH!T AND GET THE F&%$ OUTTA HERE! FAT PIG! FAT PIG! FAT PIG!

Et cetera, et cetera...

I guess he wasn't mad at 40 Miles of Bad Road yesterday!

Ma Barker watches the drama unfold offscreen anxiously:
















Beavis then starts taking various items out of the SUV and dumps them in the front yard of the Beavisphere. 40 Miles of Bad Road helps, baby bump and all. It's amazing what comes out of that SUV...it's like a damn clown car. Dressers, mirrors, a tire, bags of who knows what...


Homie next to the SUV. Fat Pig is to the right, offscreen:
















Homie and Fat Pig get in their car and leave after trying to start up the SUV. All is kinda quiet as Beavis and 40 Miles of Bad Road continue to kvetch and collect their belongings. Ma Barker and Unfortunate DNA Recipient #3 toddle around the driveway. DNA Recipient #3 tries to follow Beavis and 40 Miles of Bad Road as they walk down the middle of the street with their stuff transfer, crying all the while. Eventually it's roped in and taken inside the house.


Beavis and 40 Miles of Bad Road gathering their sh!t:

















Holy hell, a tire:
















They then go to the work truck(unmoved for weeks now and piled high with furniture)and start removing the furniture and loading it in the SUV:

















After that, they go inside. All is quiet again.



For about 10 minutes.



Homie and Fat Pig return.


I didn't see them return; I heard Beavis' yelling again.

I look outside and see this:

















Homie and Fat Pig are unloading more stuff out of their car and dumping the stuff on the grass. You can see a couple of bicycle tires by the curb in the above photo.

Beavis continues to yell, threaten, and generally be an @$$hole.


















He continues to pace around Homie and Fat Pig's car, yelling, YOU FAT F^%^ING PIG! GIMME MY MONEY, B!TCH!!! WHERE'S MY DVD PLAYER?! GO POP ANOTHER PILL! HOMIE, HOMIE, WHATEVER!!!! GET THE F$#% OUT OF HERE! GO CALL THE COPS, I DON'T CARE! CALL THE COPS! CALL THE COPS! CALL THE COPS!

He even spits at them!

Just. Amazing.

I can't hear what anyone else is saying, but whatever it is, Beavis doesn't like it. I'm seriously beginning to think that this will come to blows, so I have the phone handy to call the cops.

Finally, Fat Pig and Homie get back in their car and leave. Beavis shouts after them, YOU CAN'T EVEN BUY A MAN, YOU FAT PIG! YOU CAN'T EVEN BUY YOURSELF A MAN!!!!!!!!

Well. I guess he showed her!

It's rather dark by this time, so Beavis and 40 Miles of Bad Road angrily gather their belongings off of the curb and take them into the backyard.

Dang, tv should be at least half this entertaining. I'm rather amused by this, and now I understand why other people think this blog is hilarious...when it's not happening in your own neighborhood it's entertaining as hell!

New Hoss in the Stable

For the past two weeks the white peesachit pickem'up and the third baby momma, 40 Miles of Bad Road, have been conspicuously absent. Things were nice and quiet despite the fact that Beavis is still around, wandering about in front of his house at odd times of the day and night. Sometimes he'll bring out Unfortunate DNA Recipent #3, clad in a shirt and nothing else. Yep, he lets his offspring run around with no pants on. Cute!

At first we chalked it up to Little Sister appearing to move back home complete with a big ol' baby bump(we've never seen her with anything resembling a significant other, so we don't know what the circumstances of all this means).

But now we think that Beavis either sold the white pickem'up or 40 Miles of Bad Road has it, as there's now a huge black Ford Excursion lurking about the Deliverance residence:

















Here's Beavis cleaning out the back:

















Notice the faded yet fancy "for sale" painted on the back window:

















Check out the lovingly spray-painted front bumper:

















That's classy!

The monstrosity has a paper dealer plate on the back(no front plate on it at all) and leaks oil just like the white pickem'up. Nice to see that Beavis is going for a color palette change in his obnoxious vehicles. He's already annoyed our next door neighbor when he parks the gas guzzler in front of their house. He hasn't had the chance to annoy us...


...yet.

Stay tuned, for there's bound to be more stupidity right around the corner.

Habits of Others

No pix today, and I should be working, but the morning is going by so slowwwwwww...

Anyway, the husband mentioned an observation from last night:

Husband is on his bicycle near the west end of our block. He hears a car come up fast behind him, so he makes sure to move over so that said car doesn't hit him.

Turns out it's Beavis in the white peesachit truck. 

Beavis slows down. 

Husband keeps going to get the hell outta there. 

Beavis turns at the end of the block. 

Husband's still going. 

Beavis stops, put the peesachit truck in reverse, and goes back up the street he just turned onto, then turns back on our street and heads back for homebase.

He didn't do anything to Husband(thankfully), but Husband wonders if Beavis' behavior is "normal" or not.

I've seen Beavis do similiar things when I'm out jogging. He'll drive to the west end of our block and then pull a u-turn and go right back the way he came. 

From my Divorce Desk view, I'll see Beavis drive up and down our street, seemingly aimlessly. He'll stop at home, then hop back into the truck to drive up and down some more. 

What does it mean? 

I have NO IDEA.

Drugs?

Mental problems?

The  mind boggles.

Ooh, before I forget, I saw a terrific verbal spat between Beavis, 40 Miles of Bad Road(baby momma #3), and Ma Barker(Beavis' mom) at the beginning of the week.

The scene: out in the middle of the street, two doors down from my house. The white peesachit truck is parked curbside. Double-parked next to it is a dark Acura or something similiar. Triple-parked next to that is Little Sister's BMW. 

Beavis is wandering around carrying the latest victim of his DNA transfer(kid #3, wearing nothing but a diaper in the chilly early evening air), yelling. Ma Barker is yelling back. Little Sister is standing in the middle of the street. 40 Miles of Bad Road is in the truck with one of her friends. Some dude who apparently owns the Acura stands next to his car.

I can't hear what Beavis is yelling about, but I hear Ma Barker's distinctive Scottish harping, "Take the baby inside and put some clothes on her!!"

Beavis replies, "I would, but you won't let me in the house!"

Ma Barker barks back, but I can't hear what she says. In fact, all yelling becomes unintelligible at this point, but it's great fun to see Beavis pace like a caged lion with his unfortunate (and cold)child under one arm while he's yelling like a tantrum-enraged two year old. Everyone else is stalking around in the middle of the street, too. 

After about five minutes of this, Ma Barker gets in Little Sister's BMW and they drive off. Oh, Ma Barker can't/won't drive. I think this is why she has Beavis and Little Sister around so much, so that she occasionally saves money on taxi fare.

At this point, I had to go do something in the house for about a minute. When I look back outside, Beavis is gone. So is the Acura.

40 Miles of Bad Road sits in the white peesachit truck with her friend. They talk for awhile, then pull their slatternly selves out to meander back to Beavis' parents' house.

All is quiet.

Goddam, I wish I had surveillance cameras out 24/7 on those people!

One last note: the hideous dark brown worktruck is back to being parked in front of Beavis' parents' house. 

Just waiting for a chance to park in front of our house again, I'm sure. 

We've had Beavis park the white truck in front of our house, but because he uses it so much for his weird driving purposes, it's not been growing moss and we've been able to put our cars back out front. Now our immediate neighbors go out of their way to put some kind of vehicle in front of their houses to keep it a Beavis-free zone too.  

It ain't just us, apparently!

Dun Dun...Dun Dun...DUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUN

Monday.

I step outside.

A bright, beautiful spring day.

Gazing around, I notice that my vision isn't marred by the monstrosity that is Beavis' pickup:

















I look to the right:

















Ah, there's that peesachit now:
















I quickly turn away, not wanting to wreck my semi-good mood, my face wrinkled in disgust.

I turn to face the other direction, usually unmarred by Beavisitis:

















But....wait...what's that I see down the block?

No...

NO!

It can't be..?!

















YES IT IS!

That damn worktruck.

Apparently Beavis didn't sell it after all, but is "storing" it down the street:

















Holy shiiiiiott, what nerve.

What a nice stroller hanging out the back of the damn thing, too:

















I'm very tempted to let the latest parking victim know that they have options, but I've never spoken to them before, so it'd be weird to approach them now. Maybe I'll leave a handy-dandy note with a phone number or two for them to use?

Hmmmmmm...

Poof!

The worktruck is gone.

And when I say "gone", I mean not only is it not in front of our house rotting away, it's gonegoneGONE from the neighborhood.

We think Beavis sold the damn thing. It would explain the switched license plate, we think.

I forgot to mention that when I was taking pix of the beast(see previous blog entry) and trying to write down its VIN(conveniently obscured by a book of matches...um, illegal!), Beavis' horrible Scottish mom lurched out of the house and started screaming for Beavis to come outside to save that glorious piece o' crap from my scutiny.

Note: I don't hate Scottish people in general. I just hate her because she's such a damn negative stereotype it makes my teeth ache from me grinding them into a fine paste when I watch her try to pretend that she's a reasonable human being when I know she gave birth to that pillow-biter boy of hers.

So I started yelling back at her.

That kinda confused her.

I stomped back into the house to call LA DOT yet again. Gawd knows what that drunken sow did.

By the end of the day, the truck was gone.

Coincidence?

Maybe, but at this point I don't care.