Saturday, December 05, 2009


I haven't seen Beavis since just before Halloween.

I think he's in jail.

The DH has seen Ellie Mae a little bit with Big Daddy in the front yard of the Beavisphere, but she's kept close to home and basically under wraps.

Last Saturday I decided to take a photo of the Work Truck From Hell in all its degenerating glory:

All of the blankets and junk piled on it makes it a piece of borderline sculpture. The Joads have nothing on this.

While I was doing this, I heard the cries of a dog. There's a lot of dogs in the neighborhood and they'll bark happily or whine petulantly, but this was a sad, pained cry.

My Seestir was with me, and we look around and spot Big Daddy's dog lying in the neighbor's yard. For the sake of this blog, we'll call him, "Schlitz". Schlitz is an old dog. An OLD dog. He was around when the DH and I first moved into the neighborhood in '96, and he was an adult dog at that time.

Schlitz is a constant companion to Big Daddy. The one critter that didn't give Big Daddy a lot of grief in his life, I imagine. Man's Best Friend and all that.

But now Schlitz is in bad shape. I had noticed Schlitz out in the yard earlier in the day, but didn't think too much of it at the time. However, upon closer inspection, it's obvious that Schlitz is not doing well. When a dog just lies and cries, he needs to be taken care of.

The Seestir goes to the neighbor's house and asks them if they know about Schlitz being in their yard. They say yes, and that they've asked Big Daddy about taking better care of Schlitz, but that Big Daddy doesn't do anything to really help the dog. The neighbors are older folks themselves, and don't have the strength to move a large Labrador in pain to a car to take him to a vet.


So we call Animal Control to report a neglected animal. They take down the information and say they're going to send an officer out. We wait around for about a half hour, but we had errands to run, so we left.

We come back home about an hour and a half later. Schlitz is still lying in the neighbor's yard, but Big Daddy is seen hobbling around on a cane in the Beavisphere front yard. Big Daddy doesn't look much better than Schlitz, actually. We have no idea if Animal Control stopped by in our absence, but we watch in uncomfortable silence as Big Daddy slowly meanders over to Schlitz and tries to get the dog to come home.

Schlitz doesn't move.

Big Daddy lifts Schlitz up on his feet. Schlitz is unsteady. He wags his tail forlornly and falls back to the ground. Big Daddy goes back to the Beavisphere, gets a large towel, hobbles back to Schlitz, and constructs a makeshift sling to put under Schlitz's torso so that the dog can be brought back to the Beavisphere. Which is done slowly and painfully.

Once Schlitz is back home, Ma Barker comes out with Ellie Mae. Ma Barker takes some of the many blankets off of the Work Truck From Hell and sets up a makeshift fort for Schlitz. Both Big Daddy and Ma Barker are too decrepit to take the dog inside the house. Schlitz is settled down and left in his fort.

He cries at night. I call the cops, but they forward me to Animal Control again. All I get is a vague typical government bureacratic voice mail. FUCK! Big Daddy eventually comes out to sit with the dog.

Next day, same scenario. Don't try to get anything from any government agency on a weekend, kids. NOTHING will happen.

Monday, Big Daddy is seen sitting with Schlitz, crying.

That night Schlitz and his fort are gone.

I almost feel bad for Big Daddy, but I feel worse for Schlitz.

Sunday, November 01, 2009


Halloween was pretty boring for us...we stayed home and handed out candy to the hoardes of kids that came tromping through the neighborhood. They started around 5pm and went until past 10pm.

One of the cutest kids came to our door fairly early...around 7:30 or so. He was dressed as Humpty Dumpty. We handed him a piece of candy and he wanted to come inside our house. His mom gently told him to come with her. He abruptly turned around and stepped towards her. This looked so funny in his amazing egg costume that we laughed. He abruptly turned around back towards us and happily stared at us. This happened about three more times.

I kept saying how cute he was. And he was. His mom then said, You can come see him anytime...we live right across the street. That's when we realized that we were face-to-face with Little Sister and the Nub! HOLY CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Little Sister was dressed as either Alice in Wonderland or Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. Ellie Mae was also present and was dressed as a princess or something unoriginal(all the girls this year were princesses or fairies...BOOOORRRRRRRRRIIIIINNNNGGGG!!!!)and was quiet as a mouse. Beavis was nowhere to be seen. Thank goodness!

As far as we know, this was the first year that Ellie Mae has been taken trick-0r-treating in our neighborhood. The poor little thing looked scared, but I don't know whether it's because she was freaked out by Halloween in general or by coming up to our house in particular.

We'll see where all this goes...

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Jinxing Myself Again...

I get crap when I don't update this blog, but when I don't update it, it means that Beavis is keeping on the Downlow. WHICH IS GOOD FOR ME even though it's boring for you.

The most action I've seen from him was about two weeks ago on a Sunday night when I heard a weird motor revving and falling...revving and falling...revving and falling.

I look outside and see a black Nissan or Toyota idling in front of the Beavisphere. I also see Beavis digging through the recycling bin in front of his house, randomly throwing aside cans in search of...something. I don't know what. He then hops in the passenger side of the car and the car takes off. It gets halfway down the block when it stops and reverses its way back to the Beavisphere. Beavis hops out, goes into the house for a few minutes, stomps back out, gets back in the car, and the car leaves for real. WTF??!

I'll also occasionally see him and Ellie Mae walking to or from the Beavisphere on Important Beavis Business. That poor little kid manages to keep up with him rather well considering that he's usually preoccupied yelling on his cell phone while she trundles along on her tricycle.

That poor girl. I feel for her. I'll hate her when she's a teenager though...she'll be a true hellion then.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Tantrums and Petulance

Beavis is still lying relatively low by his standards, but things are still happening...

Yesterday afternoon the Dear Husband and I were on our way to a fun double-header derby game funfest. As we were loading up the car, I saw what appeared to be a beach bum shuffling up the street in our general direction.

It was Beavis.

, he really shows some wear and tear up close. ZOIKS.

He stops, looks around, and waits. Ellie Mae is on her little pink tricycle, trundling along the bumpy sidewalk, catching up to him. He waits for her, looks to see if the street is clear of cars, and shuffles to the Beavisphere with Ellie Mae pedalling along behind him. How...cute.

Today I was sitting on the front porch petting Kitty. Ellie Mae is in the front yard of the Beavisphere, playing with the garden hose and watering the lawn. A heavily-pregnant woman comes out of the Beavisphere house and chides Ellie Mae and turns the hose off. This woman is NOT 40 Miles of Bad Road. I hope she's NOT the latest Beavis Baby Momma, too.

Anyway, the ending waterworks sends Ellie Mae on a tantrum where she runs screaming to the next door neighbor's yard and throws herself on their lawn. Big Pregnant Chick goes back in the Beavisphere house. Ellie Mae is left to continue to cry on neighbor's lawn. I watch. Kitty rolls on the ground at my feet. Ah, parenting!

After about five minutes, Ma Barker is heard calling Ellie Mae's name, but doesn't come out of the house. Ellie Mae continues unabated. Ma Barker starts chiding Ellie Mae, still from inside the house. Ellie Mae gets up off the neighbor's lawn, wanders back to the Beavisphere lawn, and starts crying again. Ma Barker appears at the front door, still chiding. Ellie Mae turns her back on Ma Barker and pouts on the grassy median between the sidewalk and the street. Ma Barker recedes into the house. Beavis comes out. Ellie Mae gets up off the median and stomps over to Beavis. He picks her up and takes her inside the house. More yelling and crying ensues.

This poor kid's gonna be screwed for life.

Monday, July 27, 2009


Beavis has been conspicuous in his absence lately.

I personally think he's in jail.



He's not in jail. He's laying so low he's practically subterranean. Spotted him tonight while coming back from mailing off the bills before running off to Vega$.


Friday, May 15, 2009


A common sight in the Beavisphere:

Beavis, Ma Barker and Ellie Mae on a random day:

A not-so-common sight in the Beavisphere:

A Parking Enforcement lady actually ENFORCING parking:

Yesterday afternoon I went out to run some errands and saw this fine city employee DOING HER JOB. She spent a good ten minutes inspecting Beavis' non-moving worktruck with no one stirring from within the Beavisphere. I left as she was writing up the ticket.

I came back an hour later to a surprise.

First the truck was all:

And then it was all:

Yep, Beavis managed to tow the damned thing into the Beavisphere driveway.

I just about peed myself laughing.

Check out the closeup:

You can see the parking ticket still tucked under the windshield wipers. And there's a couple of blocks of wood keeping the truck from rolling anywhere. There's the one block you can see in front of the left front tire, but there's also one in front of the rear right tires.

So now that damned thing is winking at my house all the time.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Ah spring...

I think 40 Miles of Bad Road moved out of the Beavisphere.

It's just been too quiet.

Then this afternoon I hear, "MAYBE IF YOU WEREN'T SUCH A FUCKING TWEAKER!" bellowed from Beavis' general direction, with nonintelligible female whining following. I look out the window and see him stomping back and forth between the house and a Land Rover parked in front of the portable storage space--I mean, the worktruck. A woman was driving the SUV, whom I assume to be 40MBR. She has nice wheels for a tweaker.

Beavis climbed into the passenger side of the SUV after roaring to Ma Barker that he'll BE RIGHT BACK, DAMMIT. So far, back to quiet.

Last week the Dear Husband had an unsettling experience with Beavis and Ellie Mae. Well, unsettling for us, at any rate.

There was a large superball lying in our driveway. DH saw it and picked it up. Ellie Mae was watching from the Beavisphere driveway, looking to be alone. DH walked over and placed the ball on the lawn median between the sidewalk and street in front of the Beavisphere. Ellie Mae just sat and stared. As DH walked back across the street to our house, he hears Beavis' disembodied voice say, "What do you saaaaaayyyyyyyyy?" Ellie Mae jerked around in the direction of the garage, stared for a beat, jerked back to DH, and murmured "Thank you".

DH hustled back home and shuddered to himself.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Why No Updates?

I've begun hearing from the masses that the lack of updates here has been...unsettling. And more importantly, UNAMUSING. Well, we can't have that, now can we?

So...what's been going on?

Luckily, not a whole lot. Big Daddy is around, and so the leash is kept fairly tight on Beavis. I'll see him wandering around the front yard of the Beavisphere periodically. Ellie Mae usually follows behind him. 40 Miles of Bad Road is rarely seen.

Beavis has visitors stopping by occasionally...don't know if they're "friends", drug connections, or what. Their presence is temporary.

The past couple of times I've had the murdersickle out, Ellie Mae's been fascinated. Part of her fascination may stem from the fact that Beavis occasionally has access to a little Honda scooter to get around and look all...uh...badass or something. When I start up the murdersickle, Ellie Mae stops her wanderings instantly and stands staring at me, transfixed. Poor little thing. She won't grow up to be a murdersickle rider like me...she'd end up in a leather halter top with a rose tattoo on her breast, flashing strangers at a biker meet.

So that's what's going on. Now I've probably jinxed myself by posting that nothing's going on...that's usually when something happens. Stay tuned.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Random Pix

I think the last round of Beavis' legal troubles have kept him lower keyed than usual.

But here's some random pix from the past couple of weeks...

40 Miles of Bad Road in the storage unit--I mean--worktruck:

When I think of locations to put on makeup, the front seat of a non-running pickup doesn't spring to mind. Not so for 40MBR. She finds the worktruck to be best for gettin' pretty.

High. Larry. US.

For a couple of days, Beavis and 40MBR were rollin' in this bad boy:


They seem to be back to bicycles for the moment, though.

Good times!

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Low-Level Lurking

Beavis hasn't left the building.

Or the neighborhood.

He's still around.


One night a bicycle was left in front of the storage unit--I mean, worktruck:

I'd never seen that particular bicycle before, and of course it was gone by morning. I surmise with absolutely no proof that the bike was stolen, and when Beavis or whomever was done with it, put it back out in the world to be stolen and used again.

Yesterday he was wandering around in the rain with Ellie Mae:

And after the rain stopped in the late afternoon he inspected his storage unit--I mean, worktruck most thoroughly:

I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop...

Thursday, January 08, 2009

Same Old, Same Old...

Here I was, sitting at my computer with a comfy cat in my lap and not a care in the world.

Then I hear yelling.

Yep, you got it, Beavis and 40 Miles of Bad Road were back at it.

I grab the cat and run to the Husband's bathroom window, where I see Beavis having a tug-of-war with 40MBR over a tote bag she's carrying in one hand(she had two other bags slung over her shoulder), while Ellie Mae is being held in her other arm. Whatever was in that tote bag must've been VITAL to 40MBR's existence, because she DROPPED Ellie Mae in the middle of the street to keep trying to get the bag away from Beavis.

Beavis won.

Then he and 40MBR kept taking swipes at each other, yelling all the while. And Ellie Mae? Still sitting where she had been dropped, screaming her head off.


Then they abruptly separate...40MBR goes stomping off down the street with her two remaining bags. Beavis sweeps Ellie Mae up from the street, and starts digging through the bag he just grabbed from 4oMBR. He pulls out a small box, waves it and yells, Look what I've got! Look what I've got! while 40MBR mutters to herself as she walks away.

Then Beavis returns to the Beavisphere with Ellie Mae in hand and disappears into the house.

The exchange lasted less than 30 seconds, and I'm completely unsettled.

About 20 minutes later, more yelling ensued as 40MBR had come back to the Beavisphere, grabbed Ellie Mae, and stomped off down the street with her, Beavis following. He stopped, turned back to Ma Barker, and went into the house.


Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Happy New Year!!

Hope everyone got through the holiday season intact...we did!

So did Beavis and 40 Miles of Bad Road. Their activities consisted of hanging out with their friends:

And hanging out at their portable storage space, aka the Worktruck from Hell:

Big Daddy has a new ride:

I don't know if that's a rental or what...I assume it is, because that pickup is nowhere near the size of the old one.

And in the ironiest of all ironies, we have a new camper in front of our house...for real!

It belongs to our friend who I shall call BS. Hahahahahha!

BS is kinda-sorta homeless right now. Well, OK, he is. But he has three vehicles...two cars and that cute lil' motorhome thingy. He used to live with some hippies about a mile away, but the landlord isn't around and the chick who's in the landlord's place gave BS two weeks notice to clear out. BS is going to be up in NoCal for the next 9-10 days and needed a spot to store his hoopty(hope I spelled that right)because it would get towed if he left it in his former neighborhood.

So like dumbasses, the Husband and I said yes.

BS has quite the sense of humor about the value of the camper:

And I found this "note" on the windshield today:

The lack of windshield wipers amuses me. It had better not be raining when BS picks this monster up!

Which, by the way, should be interesting. When BS dropped off the monster, we had him do a little parking-spot manoevering. When he went to start up the monster, it died. DAMMIT. The Husband said, We can put it on the charger the day before it's supposed to be picked up. I just hope that'll do the trick!