Sunday, June 15, 2008

"But Henry, it's Father's Day..."

Today we had the Dear Husband's immediate family over for a BBQ. It was delightful and delicious.

In the course of the family discussion, good ol' Beavis and his activities came up, so we gave a basic rundown of his general behaviors. We tell them about this-here blog so that they can get a more thorough backstory.

ANYWAY, as the DH walks his parents out to their car later in the evening, DH's mom says VERY loudly in her wonderful Bronx accent,


Ah, nice!

She's a wonderful woman, but not known for her subtlety!

The beauty of her announcement?

Beavis is out front in his driveway, playing with what appears to be his latest vehicle:


So Beavis decided to put on a show for us.

40 Miles of Bad Road was strolling back to the Beavisphere in her mile-high espadrilles and little short dress, and Beavis immediately started yelling at her. She yells back. He grabs her purse and tosses it onto the roof.

The roof!

They stomp around their driveway, yelling, cussing, and waving their arms. Ellie Mae wanders around in between them, oblivious.

We watch this latest piece of theater quietly.

Then we go inside with no reaction.

So now we're back on Beavis' radar, and it looks like he's back on wheels.


Happy Father's Day, indeed!

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Now It's Getting Scary

Since my last entry, Big Daddy came back into town, so events had calmed down considerably. 40 Miles of Bad Road was rarely seen, while Beavis would be spotted strolling up and down the street with little Ellie Mae. Little Sister and the Nub came by periodically to give Ma Barker rides to who knows where. Things were quiet enough to the point where I was actually moving at a pretty good clip on my freelance.

Tranquility was broken this afternoon, in a scary way.

I hear 40MBR screaming from my perch in the living room, where I was doing derby work on the big computer.

I look outside and see 40MBR screaming and crying in the street:

She was screaming some VERY unsettling things. Mentioned getting a black eye by Beavis. That he hit her. That he was a "real man" because he hit her. That she needed to get the hell out of there. She also called him a "b!tch" a few hundred times. He bellowed back at her, but I couldn't decipher what he was saying. He followed her around and took swipes at her, but I couldn't tell if they were serious swipes or if he was just messing with her in her hysteria.

Notice that Ellie Mae was present and accounted for. Jeezus:

Beavis goes back in the house. 40MBR follows. The front door is left open, and I can hear more screaming from 40MBR. I hear things being thrown around.

Then my camera battery dies.


I grab the Dear Husband's camera. Its battery decides to die, too.


While I'm trying to figure out how to solve the camera problem(I don't, btw), 40MBR comes back out onto the porch...without her shorts on. She had grabbed a pair of blue jeans and was putting them on outside, still screaming and crying at Beavis, who was inside the Beavisphere abode.

I hear taptaptap from Beavis from inside the house. 40MBR turns to the window where he's apparently standing inside, waves her arms and screams,





She starts wandering around, crying. Beavis comes back outside carrying Ellie Mae and chases 40MBR down. He yells at her. She yells back. She goes back to the house, gets her purse, and stomps off down the street. Beavis is detained by an elderly neighbor who's obviously wondering if the cops need to be called. Beavis acts like a sane adult with the neighbor, still holding Ellie Mae.

For now things are back to being quiet.

This is some disturbing sh!t if he really did pull a gun on her, for a variety of reasons.

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Yet Moar Domestic Bliss...

I'm becoming addicted to staring out the window. Freelance? PHOOEY!

Beavis came busting out of Big Daddy's house this afternoon, yelling. Unfortunately I couldn't decipher what he was saying, as I had my radio turned up too loud. Dammit.

He meanders in and out of the house, continuing to bellow. Little Ellie Mae(the child formerly known as Unfortunate DNA Recipient #3) wanders aimlessly about, trying to keep up with Beavis. Poor little thing.

Eventually 40 Miles of Bad Road stomps out of the house, purse in hand, cigarette in mouth. Yeah, why stop smoking just because she's pregnant? That's just silly! Beavis follows.

40MBR stomps into the middle of the street, Beavis continues to follow...they're both snapping at each other. He takes his hoodie and smacks her with it. She waves him off and backtracks to the sidewalk to start waddling down the street. Beavis yanks her purse off her shoulder but she keeps going. He follows behind her for a ways, then turns around and goes back to Beavisphere Central.

He stomps inside, then reappears a few minutes later. He hops on a beach cruiser and starts pedaling in the direction that 40MBR was going. After a few more minutes, little Ellie Mae toddles out of the house, looking for her parents. Cute little booger. Eventually Ma Barker brings the child back into the house.

Beavis bicycles back home. 40MBR waddles back around 15 minutes later.

Ah, what harmony!


A few hours later...

40MBR bursts out of the house, Beavis following. Both are screaming at each other.

40MBR grabs a bicycle and takes off. Beavis follows on the second bicycle. She swoops up and down the street, Beavis following all the while. They both go out of my sight line. A few minutes later, Beavis bicycles back.


I try to go back to work.

Until I hear more yelling about five minutes later.

No freakin' way!

I look out the window and see 40MBR waddling back to the Beavisphere, with Beavis following. Both are on foot. She's screaming over and over, "Hit on a man, you big b!tch! HIT ON A MAN! I'M PREGNANT!" He bellows something about her smoking while pregnant.

They face off in the driveway, continuing their spat. He repeatedly taunts her by threatening to hit her.

Ellie Mae toddles out of the house. 40MBR picks her up and uses her as a shield. Seriously. Beavis almost hits the both of them. 40MBR puts Ellie Mae down, screams at Beavis, "GIVE ME MY SWEATSHIRT SO THAT I CAN GET OUT OF HERE!!!" Of course Beavis just waves the hoodie in 40MBR's face, so she just turns and stomps down the street screaming, "I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!"

Beavis goes back into the house for a few minutes, then stomps back out, hops on a bicycle, and gives chase.

Ellie Mae wanders out again. She's left alone in the driveway for several minutes before Ma Barker fetches her.


Monday, June 02, 2008

Beavis Goes Green

The humongo black SUV is gone from the neighborhood.

Apparently Fat Pig and Homie took it back.

However, they must've given Beavis a helluva cheep price for the thing, as he hasn't been able to replace it with another vehicle that borders on working.

So he and 40 Miles of Bad Road are bicycling about.

I saw the both of them each on beach cruisers over the weekend. It's tres cute.

But apparently that's not enough.

The Dear Husband and I witnessed an altercation tonight where Beavis and 40 Miles of Bad Road were having a tug-of-war over her taking a bicycle.

We hear the shouting, and since I was in the art room with the computer on, I had to relocate since the computer fan was too damn loud to hear all the conversation.

40 Miles of Bad Road wants to ride the bike to visit her dad. Beavis won't let her take the bike. She begs, pleads, and cries to no avail. He makes some kind of threat, because she then screams something along the lines of, "Go ahead and kick me in the stomach! I'm just trying to do good for my daughter!" Remember, she's also knocked up with Unfortunate DNA Recipient #4.

So now we know that we can officially call Unfortunate DNA Recipient #3 "Ellie Mae", a la Beverly Hillbillies.

Beavis mutters incoherently and yanks the bicycle away from her. 40 Miles of Bad Road then wails that she can't walk to Westchester to see her dad. Well, apparently Beavis thinks she can, because he has the bicycle and he ain't driving her in either the brown worktruck or in Little Sister's old VW, both of which are still parked in front of Big Daddy's house.

40 Miles of Bad Road stomps off, apparently on her way to Westchester. I swear I was tempted to go offer a ride to her, but that would have to be one of the biggest mistakes possible for me to commit.

Ma Barker comes out and tells Beavis to "stop making a scene". Beavis barks back that "SHE STARTED IT!" She mutters some more(neither the Dear Husband or I could figure out what was being said), he replies with, "I'm not going anywhere!" as he paces between the front porch to the worktruck and back.

Things seemed to have settled down for the moment as 40 Miles of Bad Road is still gone and Beavis went back into the house. We'll see if it stays quiet.

Edit: 40MBR came quietly back to the house in a cab about an hour and a half later. No stirring in the Beavisphere since then.