Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Summer Season

Big Daddy must've been putting something in the water at the ol' Beavisphere, because activity had been nonexistent for the month of July. The most noise I'd heard lately is the yard work and house clean up that the neighbor two doors down is doing.

I'd see Big Daddy around, and sometimes Ma Barker would sit on the porch with little Ellie Mae perched on her lap, but other than that, no fights, no threats, no wondering if I need to call the police, as Beavis and 40 Miles of Bad Road haven't been seen at all.

Today was a rare spotting of Beavis and still-knocked-up 40MBR in their natural habitat, the driveway:

Kinda bizarre to not see them arguing and chasing each other around the neighborhood.

A surprisingly domesticated Beavis following 40MBR as he pushes Ellie Mae's stroller down the street:

This domestic scene was short-lived, however...

When the Dear Husband got home from work this evening, 40MBR was sitting forlornly by the fire hydrant next to our driveway. She was there for a while, then disappeared while we were busy doing useful stuff inside the house.

Then around 10:20pm tonight, the Summer Hiatus of Redneck Theater abruptly came to an end.

I hear yelling.

Oh Joy!!

Beavis is yelling at 40MBR in their driveway:

Where's my mom?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

40MBR is yelling back:

Where's your daughter?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!

They keep yelling this at each other over and over and over and over and over and over and over again until 40MBR picks up a beach cruiser in the yard and pedals off down the street.

Big Daddy then enters from stage left, bellowing from within the house:


Which sets Beavis spewing forth:



Big Daddy calls Beavis a caulksucker and taunts him with:


again, repeatedly.

Holy HELL, that's freakin' HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They continue back and forth for a few minutes until Big Daddy abruptly shuts off the porch light and retreats back into the house.

Beavis stumbles to the edge of the lawn and sits down. He appears drunk. Greeeeeeat.

40MBR comes back.

Beavis still wants his mommy.

He keeps saying, 'Where's Ellie Mae? Where's my mom?!?!?!?!?"

Apparently they're at Little Sister's place.

GET HER ON THE PHONE!!!! He bellows.

For whatever reason, she can't be reached on the phone.

So Beavis wanders around, muttering.

A light-colored car comes down the street. He thinks it's Little Sister's car and he throws a rock at it!


The car turns and comes back, and three guys step out. They sound Latino as they ask, WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!

Of course Beavis escalates the situation while 40MBR apologizes profusely.

Oh, and she mentions that Beavis is her husband.


The dudes in the car aren't amused by Beavis' drunken antics, and so they call him a girl and threaten to beat him up. He threatens to beat them up. They then say, this is where you live? WE'LL BE BACK.

That's when we called the cops.

The guys leave.

Beavis is still being an @$hole.

Another car comes by, and Beavis throws another rock.

The car swerves and keeps going.

DAMMIT, WHERE ARE THE COPS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!!

Finally, Little Sister drives by but doesn't pull into the Beavisphere driveway...she stops down the street, out of our line of sight.

However, it's not out of our earshot.

Beavis is yelling and whistling for the guys in the first car to come back. He then turns his attention to Little Sister.

He starts screaming at her in the middle of the street, STILL calling for his mom.

He makes James Cagney in White Heat look like a he-man of epic proportions.

Little Sister's friend pulls Little Sister's car into the Beavisphere driveway while Little Sister and 40MBR try to calm Beavis down. No luck.


the cops show up.

Apparently the second guy that Beavis hit with the rock also called the cops.


Beavis got arrested.


Little Sister and 40MBR walk back to the Beavisphere. They chat for a few minutes(couldn't hear what they were saying because of a helicopter that kept circling the SM airport), then Little Sister goes to talk to Big Daddy.

That's when I find out that Beavis already had an outstanding arrest warrant. WOOHOO!!!!!!!

Big Daddy grouses about how the last time Beavis got arrested, Big Daddy had to spend $3,000 getting him out of jail without so much as a thank you. Little Sister reminded him that Ma Barker spent $20,000 on a lawyer and didn't get a thank you for that.

What a Good Boy!

Big Daddy continues to kvetch about Beavis' behavior tonight...I missed the part where Beavis was drunkenly threatening the cab driver that brought him to the Beavisphere, and so Big Daddy had to come out and pay off the cab driver before sh!t went down. That's apparently when Beavis started threatening Big Daddy. Big Daddy told Little Sister that if Beavis hadn't been drunk, he would've kicked Beavis' @$.


Another helicopter flies around so I miss more conversation. All this time 40MBR is standing out in the street, leaned up against the non-running worktruck. When the copter leaves, I hear Big Daddy say something along the lines of, Her mom don't want her, her dad don't want bad it must be when your own parents don't want you? Are they talking about 40MBR? I don't know.

40MBR is picked up and has left. Big Daddy and Little Sister are still talking out front.

What a weird, wild night it's been!

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Chaos and Explosions

The Dear Husband got to socialize more with our neighbors yesterday.

He was sitting at home when he heard a loud screech with an even louder crash immediately following. It sounded like it happened right in front of the house, so he went rushing outside.

As did a bunch of the neighbors on our block.

Everyone thought Beavis had done it.

But amazingly enough, he didn't do a repeat of the time when he got drunk and rammed his white pickup through someone's garage door around the block about five, six years ago.

Anyway, the neighbors thought it'd be a GREAT idea to see what would cause such a loud noise, and so they went off to investigate:

The noise was damn loud, judging by the growing crowd:

And this was the cause:

It doesn't look so bad from the above angle, but a hit-and-run driver was zooming down the street at stoopidly high speeds trying to escape from the scene of his last hit-and-run incident. The people he hit were following him. He came across a large truck coming towards him, and he tried to slam on the brakes since the street was too narrow for him to just zoom by.

He didn't make it.

His car jumped the curb and hit the wall you see above, narrowly missing a tree in the process.

The front of the car got munched:

The dude was unconscious due to the impact. He was also stuck in the car.

It took awhile for the firemen and cops to show up...strange on the firemen, since there's a fire station about only a mile and a half away from our neighborhood.

They had to use the Jaws of Life to get the dude out of the car, and apparently his legs were smashed up very badly. Last we heard, there were doubts that he'd even live through it.

I was out on a beach skate, and by the time I got back, the dude was on his way to the hospital, the cleaning crews were working on towing the broken car out, and all the neighbors were talking about the incident.

Of course the topic of Beavis came up, because of everyone thinking that he'd do something like this.

Then this-here blog came up in the course of discussion. Apparently more and more of the neighbors are finding this little record of Beavisosity.

Please, feel free to comment and add what you see and hear that jackass doing. You don't even have to give your real name or have a blogger account, you can just make up your own rad code name. Or I'll give you one, but I can't guarantee it won't be better than what I give the participants in the Beavisphere.

For instance, one of the neighbors told me that he has actually seen Beavis hit 40 Miles of Bad Road while they were fighting in the middle of the night in front of said neighbor's house. Yikes.

Another neighbor had some anecdotes about the brilliant parenting Beavis received as a child, which includes having neglectful and alcoholic parents letting him wander around the street when he was a toddler. Gosh, what a surprise!

Basically, he's repeating what his parents did to him.


And in the eye of the storm:

Beavis is back from wherever he and 40 Miles of Bad Road went to.


So now we get to see more of this:

Is he dealing or just talking? I didn't see any material exchange between Beavis and whomever is in the car, so I don't know.

Taking photos at night sucks.

This is supposed to be Beavis talking to...uh...someone in a truck that's parked in front of the neighbor's house.

Beavis and 40MBR were wandering back and forth between that truck and Big Daddy's house with a stroller and occasionally carrying other weird items back and forth. He would yell at her, she would stomp around angrily and then go inside Big Daddy's house, leaving Beavis to lurk and whatnot.

Some time I hope to get an updated photo of the worktruck from hell. It's not going to be parked anywhere else than where it is for the time being, as its front right tire is completely flat and it's piled high with all kinds of weird stuff both in the bed and cab of the truck. So is Little Sister's car, for that matter.

This could be a long, hot summer.

Saturday, July 05, 2008

Grist for the Mill

Big Daddy's been back in town the past couple of weeks, so the Beavisphere has been calm.

Every once in awhile Little Sister stops by, sometimes with the Nub, sometimes not. I haven't seen 40 Miles of Bad Road at all, and Ellie Mae's appearances have been few.

Yesterday the Dear Husband and I had our yearly catch-up talk with the neighbors(we're horrible neighbors...we never socialize), and we found out some things that we had guessed at before:

*Big Daddy can't get rid of Beavis unless he wants to get divorced. Apparently he doesn't want to get divorced, so Beavis stays.

*Beavis' drug customers park on the next street over and go through the backyard to Beavis' house for their purchases.

*Beavis' charming thugged out friends have made outright threats to Big Daddy.


Ma Barker is messed up to allow that to go on, but there's nothing we can do about it.

And we found out why Beavis isn't around the neighborhood the week of July 4.

Every year there's some kind of block party in one form or another that happens in our neighborhood. Everyone would meet up in a designated driveway and potluck away the afternoon and then set off fireworks at night. This has been happening for decades.

When Beavis was a kid, he'd go break into the neighbor's houses during the block party.

We figure that the only reason he isn't still doing that is because the repercussions would be more severe for his slacker @$$.

Creepy, ain't it?

Below is an average verbal exchange between Beavis and Ma Barker. I had heard him yelling at her, and thought it was another fight. It wasn't. They were having a "discussion" about Little Sister.

Again, as we suspected, Little Sister is single. It is of Beavis' opinion that she's miserable because she doesn't "have a man", as he says. It is also of his opinion that Little Sister is making Ma Barker miserable because she's miserable.

Of course.

I just hope that Big Daddy doesn't die anytime soon. To be stuck with this sleazeball forever scares me.