"Idiocracy" in action, courtesy of "Beavis", the jackass thirty-something neighbor across the street who lives with his parents, has no real job, occasionally gets arrested, and keeps breeding. This is Redneck Theater at its most hilarious and scary.
Tonight Beavis is working on the worktruck in front of our house.
In the rain.
Freakin' DOOOOOOOOOSH.
Here's what LA Municipal Code says about abandoned vehicles:
Los Angeles Municipal Code 80.73.2 requires that a vehicle parked on a public street be driven at least one mile every seventy-two hours. Additionally, California Vehicle Code 22669 allows traffic officers to tow any vehicle which is inoperable and parked on City streets, constituting a public hazard. Traffic officers cannot simply tow a vehicle because a complaint has been made. The traffic officer must first observe the vehicle over a 72 hour period to determine that the vehicle has not been driven. Additionally, as a courtesy, the traffic officer will generally leave a green warning card on the vehicle, notifying the owner that the vehicle must be moved. If the vehicle has not been moved at least one mile after seventy-two hours, the vehicle can be impounded.
Still no action from the city regarding Beavis' gawdawful truck. Not much has changed...he still argues with the babymomma, has visitors at weird hours of the night, and is basically his usual whitetrash self.
Last week I noticed a partially-smashed can of WD-40 on top of one of the tires of the truck:
Close-up numero uno:
Close-up numero two-o:
I don't know what, if anything, its presence signifies. I thought I'd document it for chuckles, though. It goes well with the baby stroller that's rotting in the truckbed, I guess. Also notice the smudged remnants of the white marks the parking enforcement people left in December when Beavis got ticketed. I don't know if they've made further marks that he just cleans off, or whether we're stuck with this sh!tpile for another eight months.
Here's a front view of the truck. I took this because the "winking" headlight is kinda cute:
Be lucky you don't have this crapacious crap in front of your house!
There's still that ugly worktruck in front of the house!
Beavis has a new "tactic". Whenever he's peeved with life, he goes to start up the worktruck. He'll let it run for about five minutes, and then puts it back to sleep again. I'm guessing the hoped-for reaction would be for us to come running out of the house in expectation that Benevolent Beavis will move the damn thing.
However, he forgot something vital in this brilliant plan of his.
We have brains, and we know that he's not moving the damn truck of his own volition.
After Beavis' last outburst, he's been true to his word about still not moving his truck.
Y'know, this whole thing wouldn't be worth escalating if he didn't think the neighborhood was his personal junkyard. We don't park our vehicles in front of the neighbors' houses if at all possible...and we especially don't leave vehicles for MONTHS at a time in front of anyone else's house. Rude, obnoxious, spoiled behavior. Oh, and illegal, too.
For the past five weeks or so, Beavis has laid claim to the street in front of our house with his dubiously-running former work pickup that leaves oil stains all over the place:
So the husband would resort to parking in front of Beavis' mommy and daddy's house whenever we didn't feel like stacking up our cars in the driveway. That annoyed Beavis, strangely enough. Apparently "what's good for the goose is good for the brain-dead pathetic gander who's so lame he has to live with his parents" isn't said in Beavis' household.
One night we came home to this. One of Beavis' dumb@$$ friends parked behind the husband's car to make it look like he bumped bumpers:
Upon closer inspection, we see that he's not:
So riding the line of legality is how it's gonna go? Fine by me.
He's still with the same BabyMama, but apparently things aren't going smoothly. There's a lot of in-the-middle-of-the-street verbal arguments, with a lot of her yelling, "WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!" as he stomps around, gets into his friend's car, and roars off into the night.
Kinda interesting, but it'd be better if he moved his damn truck.
We did a little research, and made a few phone calls last week.
Yesterday we had the chance to move my car in front of Beavis' mommy and daddy's house. In fact, Beavis saw us leave in the husband's car as he was leaving in his white peesacrap truck, and purposely drove around the block to see if I moved my car into his space. I didn't. It took willpower I didn't think I had, but I left sleeping scumbag dogs lie for the moment.
This morning was bright and sunny. The usual parking scene unfolded before me:
I put on my skates and went for a beach skate. As I strode by, I saw this:
Chalk marks on the front tire of Beavis' truck.
Hmmmm...
On the way back from my lovely beach skate I see this:
Chalk marks on the rear tire of Beavis' unmoved truck.
Not only that, but there's a lovely new accessory on Beavis' windshield:
Yep, a ticket!
Beavis usually stops by the ol' truck once every 7-10 days to start 'er up just for snicks and giggles...I can't wait to hear the cussing when he sees the ticket!
Edit: he found the ticket. He's not happy. He started the work truck up, then let it die. I stepped out onto the porch and had a seat to watch the show. His babymama walked around aimlessly. He stomped back and forth betwixt the work truck and peesachit truck cussing wildly. He sees me and growls, I'm gonna leave that truck there all month!
It's your wallet!I point out.
That lets loose a volley of cussing that I usually hear directed towards the babymama, who had fluttered back to Loser Homebase by this time. Real grownup! I reply. WHAT?!?!?! he yells. You heard me.I reply. More cussing ensues, and then he slams the peesachit truck door shut and sloooooowwwwwly drives off down the street. The husband is going to file a complaint with the cops, just to leave a paper trail.
If you haven't already, go see Mike Judge's Idiocracy. Once you do, you'll fully understand our dear neighbor Beavis and our frustration with him, for it is that movie being played out in real life, right across the street from our house!
Here's the most pertinent part of the film for your viewing pleasure, so that you get what I'm talking about...btw, the language is NSFW:
Get it now? Beavis is Clevon.
He's on Babymama #3, as far as we know. He doesn't see the other two kids he has very often, as far as we know. An upstanding father figure, to be sure. Babymama #3 is feisty. She argues with Beavis a lot out in front of his mommy and daddy's house. Sometimes they're hauling their baby around while screaming. Sometimes she's just smoking while he's angrily throwing baby furniture in and out of his peesachit truck...yelling all the while. It's great to watch while I'm working. I get a great view from the window in the art room.
I've only seen Babymama #3 up close once. I shuddered. She's not old...late twenties, perhaps. However, she has a face that perfectly describes the saying, Rode Hard and Put Away Wet. Oof! I think she's definitely the type where she saw Beavis and said to herself, The Other Girls don't understand him. I'LL change him and make him the Perfect Man! She's failed, so far. And the frustration is beginning to show on her haggard, worn features. I can't wait to see how this all plays out.
To add to the fun, I saw something interesting a couple of weeks ago. I was working in the art room(damn freelance!), and I saw a blur out of the corner of my eye. It was one of Beavis' twerpy friends running up to their house, and he quickly ran inside. Then, a large SUV with four large Mexicans drove up and screeched to a stop and got out of the car and studied the front door to Beavis' parents' house. Beavis' daddy came outside. Beavis ran up. Babymama #3 fluttered behind. I don't know what the twerpy friend did, but the large Mexicans didn't like it, apparently. However, they were thwarted by Beavis and his daddy, and they eventually drove off. Beavis' twerpy friend ran out of the house five minutes later and jumped into Beavis' peesachit truck, where Babymama #3 and Beavis were already waiting for him, ready to go. They drove off.
End of story?
Well, the next day Beavis' peesachit truck had its windshield smashed out. Ooopsie! Apparently the large Mexicans don't like being told, No, you can't go in and smash the little twerp who just ran into that house over there. Ok, bye-bye! The large SUV and the large Mexicans therein haven't been back since, as far as I know. Unfortunately Beavis parked his truck in his parents' driveway so that I couldn't get a photo of the smashed windshield before he fixed it. Ah well, I'm sure it'll happen again, knowing him!
So depending on my photographic wherewithall, I hope to record more of Idiocracy in Action. It almost makes me want to have a kid to try to counteract this crap. Almost.
Yes, I know it's been too long since I've updated the Entropy Project. Here's the latest...
Beavis' peesachit truck hasn't been in front of our house for a couple of months now. Occasionally one of his "friends" will park in front of our house, but it hasn't lasted long.
I think our success has to do with Beavis' latest Babymama more than our keeping one of our vehicles in front of our house. She's living with him and his mommy and daddy now. Hilarity ensues! I'm going to make a separate post about this next.
Anyway, back to the entropy! As a refresher, here's Beavis' worktruck and his sister's endlessly For Sale VW:
Aaaaand here they are, now:
See the difference? Wait, there is a difference:
The front wheel has been off of the worktruck for a couple of weeks now. I don't know what happened, as the truck hasn't moved in months. One day Beavis and a couple of his buddies took the wheel off, threw it into the back of the peesachit truck, and that's all I wrote.
Here's Beavis being a Social Butterfly a few months ago with some jerkwad in a Beetle in the middle of the street:
The jerkwad was constantly going up and down the street and stopping to talk to Beavis for a few weeks at a time. I think he's gone though. Again, I think the Babymama had something to do with it.
And last but certainly not least:
The ol' "Let's-park-in-front-of-the-fire-hydrant-because-we're-incredibly-stoopid" buddy. I don't know what the f#ck it is with this guy. He visits Beavis a lot. Sometimes he'll sleep in the cab of the truck if Beavis isn't home. Oh, and notice in this particular photo, the red car that's double-parked by the white pickup. Jeezus!
Beavis was relatively well-behaved for a few months there, but all good things must come to an end.
I came home from derby practice to find his latest girlthing parking his truck in front of our garbage cans. WTF!??!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?!?!???!?!?!
This has happened before, and last time the sight of me coming out with a camera made Beavis move the truck promptly. Tonight, the girlthing came out of the truck and yelled to him, "What are they doing?! They're taking pictures!!" To which our potential Rhodes scholar wittily replied, "That's what they do." The girlthing then turned to me and said, "What are you taking pictures of?" to which I replied, "Of your sh!tty parking job, honey." Beavis then yelled something about making money off the photo. Oh yeah, dude, like you're worth a plugged nickel...dream on, silly dreamer.
The husband said to me, "Why are you starting up with them?" which baffles me, since I don't park my crapacious vehicles in front of anyone else's house or garbage cans like an @$$hole.
Ah well...enjoy the photos...this is what stupidity looks like:
The white car parked in front of our house belongs/ed to Beavis' sister. She left it with her mommy and daddy when she moved out and somehow managed to get a BMW. Also white, btw. I don't know what it is with that family and white cars, but then again, I guess it makes a nice juxtaposition to our black cars.
Anyway, Lil' Sis has her car for sale. For the past year and a half. Yeah, she got out of the house and into her Beemer almost two freakin' years ago. The old car was sitting down the street in front of some other neighbor's house for close to six months without moving at all(sound familiar?), but Beavis moved it onto their lawn earlier this week, washed and waxed it, and parked it in front of our house. Since there's a handy sign in the window stating that the car is for sale with a phone # listed, I'm going to see if I can't help this sloooowwwwwwwwww process along.
Here is the promised pic of Beavis' fine parking job in front of the fire hydrant next door to our house. Putz!
Ever since Beavis saw me taking photos of his obnoxiousness, he's been keeping said obnoxiousness on the downlow. Here are a couple of examples of what he does on Trash Day.
Basically he'll park his peesachit truck so that no one else can park in front of the house for a few hours. So far he'll move said peesachit before nightfall.
I also have a photo of Beavis' truck parked in front of the fire hydrant next door. I gotta dig that up and post it. He and his @$$hole friends have a really annoying habit of parking in front of said fire hydrant. Jeezus, there isn't a shortage of parking on the damn street, does it really affect their wittle footsies if they park 5o feet farther away?
A few weeks ago, the husband put the garbage cans out in the evening for the next morning's pickup from the city. I was at derby practice at the time. When I got home, I found this:
Beavis parked his peesacrap truck in front of our garbage cans. I came in, grabbed the camera, and went back outside to record this momentous event in @$$holery.
Of course, when I picked up the camera, I accidentially pushed a button to put the camera into .mov mode. D'oh! So while I was fiddling around with the camera trying to get pix, Beavis himself strolled over:
You can see him right by the porch light of his mommy and daddy's house. He faux-casually asked, "What are you doing?" to which I faux-casually replied, "What the *($()(#^t@ do you care?"
That ended the conversation right there. He moved the damn truck.
Ever since then, he's been better about leaving room for my car if he parks in front of our house now that he knows that I'm photographing him.
It's been awhile since I've had to update, as Beavis managed to not be a total jerkass and kept his menagerie of vehicles out of the way for the most part. Until....
Yesterday.
I came home from practice and found that goddam horrible truck back in front of our house as if it had never left. The husband is swearing that this time we should call the parking division of the police and have them ticket the damn truck. I thought I'd take pix for backup.
For some reason Beavis has a mini-tire store going on in the bed of the truck. Notice how he's also removed the previous contents(surfboard and all!)as well as removing the truck bed liner.
Last week he was carrying some sort of wood cabinetry in the back. Whyfor, I don't know. I also don't know what the intended use of the wood cabinetry was, but he grew tired of that quickly, it seems.
Across the street the Crappy Caddy has finally left. I'm not sure where it is; I didn't notice it parked down the street in front of some other poor neighbor's house at any rate. Instead, we see the crapacious Work Truck from Hell is still in residence. Also in attendance is Little Sister's Old Car. It was parked a couple doors down from us for about four months straight with a "For Sale" sign in the window. Apparently she's not bright enough to either put an ad somewhere to sell the thing or that there isn't enough traffic on our block to bring in a sucker--I mean--potential buyer for the heavily-used car. Beavis finally washed the residue of four months of weather off the car this past weekend. Oh joy.
Other visitors include some guy with a huge bright orange work truck. It's obnoxious in just about every way. The woman with the Volvo who has dealings with Beavis is still a regular visitor. Sometimes she visits carting an infant with her; I hope to god that the brat isn't also Beavis's. We also get the ebb and flow of people who stop by for short amounts of time and then quickly leaving. I can never see exactly what they're doing. Beavis's mommy has visitors come by and cart her to work and back. Lovely!
...in front of my own house again. I came home last night from practice to find Beavis' worktruck parked not only in front of the house, but parked so that no one could park in front or behind that hideous piece of crap:
You can see the other peesachit truck that was previously parked in front of the house is now across the street in front of Beavis' mommy and daddy's house.
Selfish prick:
Here's the rest of the flock of cars that Beavis has. The Volvo belongs to some chick whom I fear is dating Beavis. I used to think she was one of his suspected customers, but she's there too often now to be just that. Idiot.
For a couple of weeks he or his miscreant buddies would park so that the space could fit two cars. That wasn't to last very long, I guess.
I wonder if he himself realizes that being in one's thirties and having to live with one's parents officially makes him a loser. His glory days were over ten years ago in high school. Yikes.
The temptation for Beavis to leave an open space in front of our house was too great to resist. He parked his hideous worktruck in front of the house yesterday:
We're going to be gone for the weekend, and I expect to see that fuxxing monstrosity still sitting there on Sunday when we get back. Oh joy, oh rapture.
He's still having "visitors" at all hours, too. Makes me feel real safe, y'know?
I looked out my window when I sat down to work this morning and saw an amazing sight:
WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?! Beavis moved the truck!!!
Today it's parked on mom and dad's lawn:
I must say, I'm floored. Beyond floored.
I don't know what to do. I've actually kept my car where it is to see if Beavis moves the truck back in front of the house. He might leave it on the lawn for the day and move it by tomorrow night. Who knows. In preparation, Beavis' next door neighbor already put out his trash bins so that Beavis can't put the truck in front of his house.
Sorry for the lack of updates. Beavis has apparently given up anything resembling a day job and is pretty much lurking about mommy and daddy's house on a full-time basis. I have to be more crafty on getting photos without him noticing.
The husband and I talked to one of Beavis' next door neighbors, who pointed out something that I was suspecting a few weeks ago. We think Beavis is now a low-level drug dealer. Why do you think that, Sherlock? you may be asking.
Good question. What do you think about the following:
He doesn't seem to have a job of any sort.
He's on his cel phone a LOT.
He has creepy people come by the house at all hours, parking haphazardly, and most don't stick around for too long.
He's been seen sitting in the cars of these creepy people for various lengths of time at all hours.
There have been a wide variety of said cars...from 2o year old Toyotas to brand-spankin' new Mercedes.
Hmmmmmmmmmm.
Makes ya think, don't it? Without any better evidence, I don't really know what to do about my suspicions, though.
Here's some quick photos I took today:
What's missing from this photo? Beavis' big ol' crappy "work truck"! It disappeared yesterday, and I had thought he'd actually gotten the thing running and was out of the house for the weekend. Nope, no suck luck...the truck is gone, but he came out of the house just as I was finishing up my photographing for the day. Yesterday there was a car battery sitting on the curb where the blue trashcan is currently sitting. Snazzy!
Here we have shot numero uno of the bed of the Peesachit truck that's still parked in front of our house. Notice how he's gotten rid of the previous junk, but has added what appears to be the top of an air conditioner:
Shot numero two-o:
And hey! what's this? Beavis actually managed to fix the trunk of his Crappy Caddy so that he doesn't need a carjack keeping the lid closed for the time being. The car hasn't moved at all since the last time I posted. In fact, it got a ticket a couple of weeks ago. Beavis apparently doesn't care about that, as the car remains in entropic perpetuity.
As I type this afternoon, neighborboy Beavis and three absolutely brilliant mechanix are trying to pull a Lazarus on Beavis' work truck, which is rotting in front of his mommy and daddy's house. Earlier today I got some pix of the body parts from some unknown vehicle that he's been leaving in his other peesachit truck still parked and unmoving in front of our house and parts scattered on the front lawn of mommy and daddy's house.
I don't know where the cannibalized parts came from, or where they're going. But for now they're in the back of the pickemuptruck:
Here's the worktruck. Notice the body parts in the back. The broom leaning against the back really adds something, doesn't it?
A view from the front. Notice that the hood isn't closed all the way. I think it's because of the thing on the ground between the truck and the backend of the Crappy Caddy.
The Crappy Caddy is stylin' with that piece of plankwood leaned up against it. I swear if I knew a kid young enough I'd still try to enter the poor car in to Pimp My Ride.
Now this is hot. We got the carjack holding the trunk lid down. We have the...thing on the ground from the worktruck. We have a piece of wood crammed in on the side of the trunk lid. Why? I don't know, but I'm lovin' it!
Closeup of the thing from the worktruck. Does anyone know what it is? I think Beavis and gang are trying to replace it this afternoon.
I tried to get a photo of the aforementioned Sundance Channel STAFF lanyard in the peesachit truck, but all I got was my own reflection. I think I need to wait for a sunny day in the morning for a good shot at it.
Beavis has been, uh, working late into the night. Well, if you call hanging out with one's friends with the truck hood open "working". I thought I heard glass breaking last night. I haven't checked to see if that's the case...yet. What a loser.
It's been awhile since I've had to update, as Beavis managed to not be a total jerkass and kept his menagerie of vehicles out of the way for the most part. Until....
For some reason Beavis has a mini-tire store going on in the bed of the truck. Notice how he's also removed the previous contents(surfboard and all!)as well as removing the truck bed liner.
Across the street the Crappy Caddy has finally left. I'm not sure where it is; I didn't notice it parked down the street in front of some other poor neighbor's house at any rate. Instead, we see the crapacious Work Truck from Hell is still in residence. Also in attendance is Little Sister's Old Car. It was parked a couple doors down from us for about four months straight with a "For Sale" sign in the window. Apparently she's not bright enough to either put an ad somewhere to sell the thing or that there isn't enough traffic on our block to bring in a sucker--I mean--potential buyer for the heavily-used car. Beavis finally washed the residue of four months of weather off the car this past weekend. Oh joy.
