Beavis is back.
I look out the window to see him pacing angrily in between his front yard into the middle of the street and back again, cellphone glued to his ear. He's still yelling. To say he's infuriated is putting it mildly:
WHERE THE F&%& ARE YOU? LA TIJERA?!??!?! (silence) WHAT?!?! LA CIENEGA?!?!?!?(silence) GET YOUR @$$ BACK HERE!!!!!! (mumbling) I'M GONNA BREAK YOUR F&^%*ING JAW WHEN YOU GET BACK HERE!!!! I WANT MY S*&*# BACK NOW!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU!??!?!?! (silence)LA TIJERA?!?!?!?!? YOU JUST TOLD ME LA CIENEGA A SECOND AGO, SO WHICH IS IT?!?!?!??! GET THE F*%$# BACK HERE NOW!!!
This continues for several minutes.
I don't know who he's yelling at. The latest SUV monstrosity isn't leaking oil in front of his house, and 40 Miles of Bad Road hasn't been seen since the weekend. Is she out and about in it, setting him off? I don't know. Oh, and she might be knocked up again. Save us, Jeebus!
He still paces angrily. DNA Recipient #3 toddles out of the house, following Beavis. Luckily DNA Recipient #3 has clothing covering both the top and bottom halves of its unfortunate little body. Beavis pays little mind as he finally takes the phone away from his ear, stares at this marvel of technology, and starts making outgoing calls. He occasionally throws his hands up in frustrated fury as the calls don't get through. He even hops angrily in the driveway.
As he isn't able to scream into the phone some more, he just keeps pacing, with DNA Recipient #3 continuing to follow him around. Eventually Beavis retires into the house in a dull rage, offspring in tow. End of story.
Later in the afternoon Beavis is out front again, talking to Big Daddy. The SUV and 40 Miles of Bad Road are still unaccounted for.
As of this morning the SUV is back, and all is quiet on the Beavisphere front.
It just keeps getting weirder and weirder...
UPDATE!!!!!!!!
We had THEE classic Redneck Theater tonight!
After I got back from a relaxing jog this evening, I hear Beavis yelling again. Just to bring everyone up to date...
Our Cast of Characters includes:
Beavis
40 Miles of Bad Road
Ma Barker
Little Sister
Unfortunate DNA Recipient #3
Homie
Fat Pig
and introducing: Little Sister's offspring, the Nub.
Back to our story...
I look outside and see Ma Barker, Little Sister holding the new Nub (she must've spat it out yesterday or Sunday) , and 40 Miles of Bad Road nervously pacing in the driveway. Beavis is screaming at Homie and Fat Pig, who are parked in their sporty Lexus down the street, in front of the behemoth SUV that's been leaking more oil than Iraq outputs in a week.
Here's a wide shot of the Beavisphere. You can see 40 Miles of Bad Road carrying crap that was taken out of the SUV and dumped in the front yard:
Beavis is bellowing at Homie and Fat Pig...mostly Fat Pig. Much the same as yesterday:
GIVE ME BACK MY SH!T!! YOU FAT PIG! GO POP A PILL!!! GIMME MY MONEY, B!TCH! TRY AND LEAVE IN THAT F*&^&ING CAR! IT AIN'T GOIN' NOWHERE! THAT THING EATS UP TOO MUCH DAMN GAS! I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS! GIMME MY SH!T AND GET THE F&%$ OUTTA HERE! FAT PIG! FAT PIG! FAT PIG!
Et cetera, et cetera...
I guess he wasn't mad at 40 Miles of Bad Road yesterday!
Ma Barker watches the drama unfold offscreen anxiously:
Beavis then starts taking various items out of the SUV and dumps them in the front yard of the Beavisphere. 40 Miles of Bad Road helps, baby bump and all. It's amazing what comes out of that SUV...it's like a damn clown car. Dressers, mirrors, a tire, bags of who knows what...
Homie next to the SUV. Fat Pig is to the right, offscreen:
Homie and Fat Pig get in their car and leave after trying to start up the SUV. All is kinda quiet as Beavis and 40 Miles of Bad Road continue to kvetch and collect their belongings. Ma Barker and Unfortunate DNA Recipient #3 toddle around the driveway. DNA Recipient #3 tries to follow Beavis and 40 Miles of Bad Road as they walk down the middle of the street with their stuff transfer, crying all the while. Eventually it's roped in and taken inside the house.
Beavis and 40 Miles of Bad Road gathering their sh!t:
Holy hell, a tire:
They then go to the work truck(unmoved for weeks now and piled high with furniture)and start removing the furniture and loading it in the SUV:
After that, they go inside. All is quiet again.
For about 10 minutes.
Homie and Fat Pig return.
I didn't see them return; I heard Beavis' yelling again.
I look outside and see this:
Homie and Fat Pig are unloading more stuff out of their car and dumping the stuff on the grass. You can see a couple of bicycle tires by the curb in the above photo.
Beavis continues to yell, threaten, and generally be an @$$hole.
He continues to pace around Homie and Fat Pig's car, yelling, YOU FAT F^%^ING PIG! GIMME MY MONEY, B!TCH!!! WHERE'S MY DVD PLAYER?! GO POP ANOTHER PILL! HOMIE, HOMIE, WHATEVER!!!! GET THE F$#% OUT OF HERE! GO CALL THE COPS, I DON'T CARE! CALL THE COPS! CALL THE COPS! CALL THE COPS!
He even spits at them!
Just. Amazing.
I can't hear what anyone else is saying, but whatever it is, Beavis doesn't like it. I'm seriously beginning to think that this will come to blows, so I have the phone handy to call the cops.
Finally, Fat Pig and Homie get back in their car and leave. Beavis shouts after them, YOU CAN'T EVEN BUY A MAN, YOU FAT PIG! YOU CAN'T EVEN BUY YOURSELF A MAN!!!!!!!!
Well. I guess he showed her!
It's rather dark by this time, so Beavis and 40 Miles of Bad Road angrily gather their belongings off of the curb and take them into the backyard.
Dang, tv should be at least half this entertaining. I'm rather amused by this, and now I understand why other people think this blog is hilarious...when it's not happening in your own neighborhood it's entertaining as hell!
