I know, I know...

Yes, it's been forever and a day since I last updated Redneck Theater. Let's see if I can remember everything...

About three weeks ago Big Daddy, Ma Barker, Ellie Mae and 40 Miles of Bad Road left the Beavisphere. Apparently Big Daddy, Ma Barker and Ellie Mae went on vacation for two weeks. I have no idea what happened to 40MBR or the latest little unfortunate bun in her oven.

She hasn't been back.

While the above cats were away, Beavis the mouse did play. The first week he was without adult supervision, he did what we expected him to...he had all kinds of different scumbags coming to his daddy's house at all hours of the day and night.
















Not only were they scummy, they were fat and ugly too:















They would party up a storm at night. The front door would be left wide open, and different colorful characters would shuffle in and out at a constant rate. They would be a little loud, but not enough to justify calling the cops. Dammit.

At one point, the Dear Husband heard some loud arguing in the middle of the night. It's Beavis and a woman, presumably 40MBR. The DH hears the sound of someone being hit, and crying and yelling ensues. As usual, the cops aren't brought in to arrest the scumbag. I ask the DH if it really was 40MBR, since she's been conspicuously absent. He shrugs...who else would put up with that? Hmmmm.

Also, Beavis has been getting around by borrowing different vehicles. See the sporty little mini-pick'em up truck he had a buddy bring by while Big Daddy was gone:

















And this lovely Buick:
















About a week and a half in, Beavis suddenly quieted down. By the end of the second week, Choirboy Beavis was in full effect. Big Daddy, Ma Barker and Ellie Mae came back home after two weeks of Seeing What Our Future Holds If Big Daddy Dies Before Ma Barker HELL.
















I was actually relieved when the rest of the family came back and some sort of "normalcy" resumed...complete with Little Sister getting her BMW back, as you can see in the above photo.

While the family was gone and the different assorted colorful characters were parading around the neighborhood, one new fresh face was seen even after "normalcy" had resumed:
















A closer peek at the young, uh, "lady" who's stupid enough to hang out with Beavis:















Christ.



Whenever I see Beavis out in front of the house, I usually can't hear what he's saying because he's wayyyyy across the street and stuff. The DH would come into the art room and ask me, but I'd tell him testily that how can I get a better idea of what's going on if I can't hear the conversations he's having?

So the DH got me this:















Yep, one of those listening devices. The one he got me doesn't work that well...whenever I point it in Beavis' general direction, all I hear is Ellie Mae's constant crying. Phooey. Well, not true...today Beavis was talking to a buddy in a car. The buddy was about to leave, but waited for a guy on a unicycle to wobble by. Beavis encouraged the buddy to "just go for it!" in regards to the unicyclist. What a guy!

So now I'm officially the neighborhood Mrs. Kravitz:

Hmmmm...

Beavis and 40 Miles of Bad Road are beginning to venture out more.

On Monday I was coming back from a beach skate, and when I was about two blocks away from the house, I spotted Beavis pushing Ellie Mae's stroller down the street in front of me, going in the same direction that I was heading, so his back was to me.

Oh crap! I thought. Do I turn around and go home a different way? Do I skate by and swat him in the back of the head? Or do I just skate by and ignore the scumbag?

I picked Option #3.

And nothing happened that I know of...he probably said something charming and sociable, but since I had my mp3 player on at full blast, I would've missed whatever delightful and neighborly greeting he would've had for me.

After I passed him and a sleepy-looking Ellie Mae, I noticed there was a woman standing on the corner of the block.

It was 40MBR. Just standing there, leaning up against a Post Office mail drop off box, apparently waiting for Beavis and Ellie Mae.

Weird!

I skate by her, and she barely takes notice of me. She's still pregnant, so when I saw Beavis holding an infant days ago, it must've been Little Sister's Nub he had in his grasp.

Then yesterday, I look outside and see this:
















40MBR is sitting in the Worktruck from Hell.




Just sitting:



















Doing nothing:
















Wtf?!?!?


Beavis ventures out a little later and starts tinkering with the truck. I don't know if he's sincere in trying to pull a Lazarus on the damned thing, or is just rattling sabers.

















They were out there for awhile, pretending to be industrious on the truck. I got preoccupied with life, so I don't know when they shut the truck up and went back into the Beavisphere.

I just wonder if he's actually going to try to resurrect the horrible beast!

Smalltime

Beavis has been laying low, but is still around. How do I know this?

He pushed the pickup around in front of the Beavisphere:
















Last week the truck was way closer to the driveway curb. It's been pushed forward almost to the spot it was in when the Parking Enforcement Lady marked it up:

















The right front tire was not fixed like I thought it was. He's been getting around taxi-style:

















The day before yesterday, I was trying to be sly and get a better shot of the truck from the front porch. As I was doing this, little Ellie Mae wandered into view:
















I slipped back into the house, as I foolishly thought there would be some adult supervision coming to get her at any second.

I was wrong.


She went wandering down the street. Much like Beavis was left to do when he was her age, I suspect:




















Ellie Mae was left to her own devices for a good five minutes if not longer. Here's she wandering around in the yard of a house two doors down from the Beavisphere:

















Ma Barker finally shuffles outside to see where little Ellie Mae wandered off to. She sees her, but doesn't go after her. She just calls her name repeatedly from the driveway:


















At least Ellie Mae is obedient and runs back:


















They go back into the house. Then end.

















I don't know where Beavis was in all this. Or 40 Miles of Bad Road. Haven't seen 40MBR at all, now that I think about it.

I feel really bad for Ellie Mae, as she's a real innocent in all this. She's gonna be hell when she hits puberty.

Movin' and Groovin'

As I was throwing out some junk from the house yesterday, I spotted Beavis with a baby:
















I think this heralds the arrival of Unfortunate DNA Recipient #4. Poor thing.


The next time I looked outside, Beavis was using Little Sister's car for nefarious purposes:
















He apparently changed the flat tire on the worktruck and threw it in the truckbed.


Then he pulled Little Sister's car up behind the worktruck:















WTF?


He goes up to the porch, gets a tiedown, and comes back to the truck:
















Little Sister, some other dark-haired chick, 40 Miles of Bad Road and Ma Barker were watching while all this was going on. Here's a very bad closeup of 40MBR and Ma Barker. I think Ma Barker is holding UDNAR#4:



















Beavis ties the tiedown to the front of Little Sister's car and the back of the worktruck:



















And then proceeds to tow the truck back about 3 feet in an effort to thwart the Parking Enforcement Lady's chalk markings on the truck tires and the ground around the tires:


































A job well done!
















Un.

Believable.

I hope to see the Parking Enforcement people come back, as I'd love to ask them if this move is legal. I'm betting that they don't have protocol for this type of scenario. Dammit.

Huh!

A strange and funny sight today...

















PARKING ENFORCEMENT has finally figured out that Beavis uses public streets as his own personal storage facility for his non-running vehicles!

















I happened to glance across the street as I was emptying trash this afternoon and saw a parking enforcement officer, a worried-looking Ma Barker, and an annoyed-looking Little Sister out in front of the Beavisphere, by the non-running cars parked in front of their house. They all were talking in hushed tones, so I couldn't hear a damned thing any of them said.


















All I know is that the parking enforcement lady was typing in license plate info and such into her little computer and marked ALL FOUR of the tires on Beavis' worktruck(that has a flat, btw). Little Sister's car wasn't marked, even though it hasn't moved any more than the damned pickup. Little Sister is busy taking out all the crap that was stored in it, however, and moving the stuff into her latest car.


















Speaking of, Little Sister apparently traded in her BMW and got some little pseudo-station wagon thingy made by KIA. It's cute. And tiny. Very appropos for a New Mommy.

















Next thing I know, a tow truck has pulled up to Little Sister's old car!


















After the PEL and the tow truck driver talked at great length, Little Sister's old car was towed away. WOW!!!!! I have no idea what prompted all this, but here's hoping that damned worktruck follows suit SOON!!















Oh, and Beavis was nowhere to be seen while all this transpired. Hmmmmmmmmm.


I don't know who called Parking Enforcement, but I just want to say to them: I LOVE YOU!!!!!

Breather...

All's been quiet since Beavis got arrested.

He's out on bail, but has rarely been seen...in fact, he's only been spotted very briefly twice since his drunken @$$ got taken to jail.

It's taken me awhile, but here are some pix of what Beavis was throwing around the night he got arrested:

















The top thing is the plastic casing for a "digital tire gauge". I found the casing on our front step. Literally. As in, open the front door, look down, and there it was. Just the casing.

The bottom two metal thingys are...uh, I'm not really sure. They look like some type of bracket. Beavis was not throwing rocks at passing cars as I'd assumed night of the incident. No wonder the cops were called!

Here's a closeup of the metal thingys:

















And here's a sense of scale as I hold one of the metal thingys:

















I found both the plastic casing and the metal thingys the morning after Beavis' arrest. The metal thingys were in the street, near our cars. I'm frankly amazed that our cars haven't been more overtly damaged by Beavis lately.

There was the one time a few years ago when he was drunk-driving and he backed out of the Beavisphere driveway into my Grand Am. He smashed the turn signal light, which set off the burglar alarm, and sped off. When the Dear Husband and I came running out, Little Sister actually narked on Beavis! I made a report to Big Daddy the next day, and Ma Barker sweetly handed me a $100 bill a couple of days later, thanking me for not calling the cops on the jerkface. Shame on me.

Anyway, I haven't heard anything about the neighbor who had their car damaged by Beavis, what charges Beavis is up on, or whether his candy @$$ will go back to jail anytime soon.

Dammit.

Summer Season

Big Daddy must've been putting something in the water at the ol' Beavisphere, because activity had been nonexistent for the month of July. The most noise I'd heard lately is the yard work and house clean up that the neighbor two doors down is doing.

I'd see Big Daddy around, and sometimes Ma Barker would sit on the porch with little Ellie Mae perched on her lap, but other than that, no fights, no threats, no wondering if I need to call the police, as Beavis and 40 Miles of Bad Road haven't been seen at all.

Today was a rare spotting of Beavis and still-knocked-up 40MBR in their natural habitat, the driveway:

















Kinda bizarre to not see them arguing and chasing each other around the neighborhood.



















A surprisingly domesticated Beavis following 40MBR as he pushes Ellie Mae's stroller down the street:

















This domestic scene was short-lived, however...

When the Dear Husband got home from work this evening, 40MBR was sitting forlornly by the fire hydrant next to our driveway. She was there for a while, then disappeared while we were busy doing useful stuff inside the house.

Then around 10:20pm tonight, the Summer Hiatus of Redneck Theater abruptly came to an end.

I hear yelling.

Oh Joy!!

Beavis is yelling at 40MBR in their driveway:

Where's my mom?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

40MBR is yelling back:

Where's your daughter?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!

They keep yelling this at each other over and over and over and over and over and over and over again until 40MBR picks up a beach cruiser in the yard and pedals off down the street.

Big Daddy then enters from stage left, bellowing from within the house:

YOUR MOM ISN'T HOME!

Which sets Beavis spewing forth:

SHUT UP! YOU WANNA FIGHT? YOU WANNA FIGHT?! C'MON!! C'MON!! I'LL TAKE YOU ON! C'MON! LET'S GO!!!!!!!!!!!!

repeatedly.

Big Daddy calls Beavis a caulksucker and taunts him with:

YOU NEED YOUR MOMMY TO HOLD YOUR HAND?!?!?!?!?!??!!?

again, repeatedly.

Holy HELL, that's freakin' HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They continue back and forth for a few minutes until Big Daddy abruptly shuts off the porch light and retreats back into the house.

Beavis stumbles to the edge of the lawn and sits down. He appears drunk. Greeeeeeat.

40MBR comes back.

Beavis still wants his mommy.

He keeps saying, 'Where's Ellie Mae? Where's my mom?!?!?!?!?"

Apparently they're at Little Sister's place.


GET HER ON THE PHONE!!!! He bellows.

For whatever reason, she can't be reached on the phone.

So Beavis wanders around, muttering.

A light-colored car comes down the street. He thinks it's Little Sister's car and he throws a rock at it!

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The car turns and comes back, and three guys step out. They sound Latino as they ask, WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!

Of course Beavis escalates the situation while 40MBR apologizes profusely.

Oh, and she mentions that Beavis is her husband.

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The dudes in the car aren't amused by Beavis' drunken antics, and so they call him a girl and threaten to beat him up. He threatens to beat them up. They then say, this is where you live? WE'LL BE BACK.

That's when we called the cops.

The guys leave.

Beavis is still being an @$hole.

Another car comes by, and Beavis throws another rock.

The car swerves and keeps going.

DAMMIT, WHERE ARE THE COPS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!!

Finally, Little Sister drives by but doesn't pull into the Beavisphere driveway...she stops down the street, out of our line of sight.

However, it's not out of our earshot.

Beavis is yelling and whistling for the guys in the first car to come back. He then turns his attention to Little Sister.

He starts screaming at her in the middle of the street, STILL calling for his mom.

He makes James Cagney in White Heat look like a he-man of epic proportions.

Little Sister's friend pulls Little Sister's car into the Beavisphere driveway while Little Sister and 40MBR try to calm Beavis down. No luck.

FINALLY,

the cops show up.

Apparently the second guy that Beavis hit with the rock also called the cops.

THANK GOODNESS.

Beavis got arrested.

HOORAY.

Little Sister and 40MBR walk back to the Beavisphere. They chat for a few minutes(couldn't hear what they were saying because of a helicopter that kept circling the SM airport), then Little Sister goes to talk to Big Daddy.

That's when I find out that Beavis already had an outstanding arrest warrant. WOOHOO!!!!!!!

Big Daddy grouses about how the last time Beavis got arrested, Big Daddy had to spend $3,000 getting him out of jail without so much as a thank you. Little Sister reminded him that Ma Barker spent $20,000 on a lawyer and didn't get a thank you for that.

What a Good Boy!

Big Daddy continues to kvetch about Beavis' behavior tonight...I missed the part where Beavis was drunkenly threatening the cab driver that brought him to the Beavisphere, and so Big Daddy had to come out and pay off the cab driver before sh!t went down. That's apparently when Beavis started threatening Big Daddy. Big Daddy told Little Sister that if Beavis hadn't been drunk, he would've kicked Beavis' @$.

WOW.

Another helicopter flies around so I miss more conversation. All this time 40MBR is standing out in the street, leaned up against the non-running worktruck. When the copter leaves, I hear Big Daddy say something along the lines of, Her mom don't want her, her dad don't want her...how bad it must be when your own parents don't want you? Are they talking about 40MBR? I don't know.

40MBR is picked up and has left. Big Daddy and Little Sister are still talking out front.

What a weird, wild night it's been!

Chaos and Explosions

The Dear Husband got to socialize more with our neighbors yesterday.

He was sitting at home when he heard a loud screech with an even louder crash immediately following. It sounded like it happened right in front of the house, so he went rushing outside.

As did a bunch of the neighbors on our block.

Everyone thought Beavis had done it.

But amazingly enough, he didn't do a repeat of the time when he got drunk and rammed his white pickup through someone's garage door around the block about five, six years ago.

Anyway, the neighbors thought it'd be a GREAT idea to see what would cause such a loud noise, and so they went off to investigate:

















The noise was damn loud, judging by the growing crowd:


















And this was the cause:















It doesn't look so bad from the above angle, but a hit-and-run driver was zooming down the street at stoopidly high speeds trying to escape from the scene of his last hit-and-run incident. The people he hit were following him. He came across a large truck coming towards him, and he tried to slam on the brakes since the street was too narrow for him to just zoom by.

He didn't make it.

His car jumped the curb and hit the wall you see above, narrowly missing a tree in the process.

















The front of the car got munched:
















The dude was unconscious due to the impact. He was also stuck in the car.

It took awhile for the firemen and cops to show up...strange on the firemen, since there's a fire station about only a mile and a half away from our neighborhood.

They had to use the Jaws of Life to get the dude out of the car, and apparently his legs were smashed up very badly. Last we heard, there were doubts that he'd even live through it.
















I was out on a beach skate, and by the time I got back, the dude was on his way to the hospital, the cleaning crews were working on towing the broken car out, and all the neighbors were talking about the incident.

Of course the topic of Beavis came up, because of everyone thinking that he'd do something like this.

Then this-here blog came up in the course of discussion. Apparently more and more of the neighbors are finding this little record of Beavisosity.

Please, feel free to comment and add what you see and hear that jackass doing. You don't even have to give your real name or have a blogger account, you can just make up your own rad code name. Or I'll give you one, but I can't guarantee it won't be better than what I give the participants in the Beavisphere.

For instance, one of the neighbors told me that he has actually seen Beavis hit 40 Miles of Bad Road while they were fighting in the middle of the night in front of said neighbor's house. Yikes.

Another neighbor had some anecdotes about the brilliant parenting Beavis received as a child, which includes having neglectful and alcoholic parents letting him wander around the street when he was a toddler. Gosh, what a surprise!

Basically, he's repeating what his parents did to him.

Greeeeeeaaaaat.

And in the eye of the storm:

Beavis is back from wherever he and 40 Miles of Bad Road went to.

Damn.

So now we get to see more of this:
















Is he dealing or just talking? I didn't see any material exchange between Beavis and whomever is in the car, so I don't know.
















Taking photos at night sucks.

This is supposed to be Beavis talking to...uh...someone in a truck that's parked in front of the neighbor's house.
















Beavis and 40MBR were wandering back and forth between that truck and Big Daddy's house with a stroller and occasionally carrying other weird items back and forth. He would yell at her, she would stomp around angrily and then go inside Big Daddy's house, leaving Beavis to lurk and whatnot.

Some time I hope to get an updated photo of the worktruck from hell. It's not going to be parked anywhere else than where it is for the time being, as its front right tire is completely flat and it's piled high with all kinds of weird stuff both in the bed and cab of the truck. So is Little Sister's car, for that matter.

This could be a long, hot summer.